Past and Future

The past week was full of sadness and richness.  My last remaining aunt, Elizabeth Marie Nord Lange, passed away.  The blessing was that she was 93, lucid and sharp as could be until the end, and died peacefully.  The tragedy was that her own daughter, my cousin Donna Lange Parsons, died five days before from cancer at the age of 62.  And Donna, by her own choice, had been estranged from all family except for my aunt for most of her adult life.  She had, in the past couple of years, reached out to her siblings who she had alienated, but of course, the rift of 25 or so years is not easy to heal.  So, on the day my cousins attended, and participated in the funeral of their sister, their mother passed away also.  It was a very, very sad day, indeed.

The top photo shows Aunt Betty and her siblings and parents.  Her mother was 45 years old when she was born.  Betty is the beautiful young girl.  My father is top left.  Next to him, second from the left,  is Aunt Lillian.  Below that is a photo of my niece, Erin Nord Toto.  We were struck by the resemblance.  There is no mistaking the genetics.  I found it fascinating to study the photo of my aunts and uncles and grandparents and see the "butt" chin that I love in my oldest son staring back at me.  Or the ice blue eyes of my great niece and nephew in my grandfather.

After the funeral, my siblings and I gathered in Cleveland for hours of reminiscing and story telling.  There was such a contentment and comfort that settled over us that the loss was replaced and our hearts felt lightened.

And, if the stories and family ties were not enough, there were my sister and brother-in-law's cats to amuse and entertain.  This photo is of Scout, who likes to just sit with his nose against the table.  For what purpose, I have no idea.  Just sits and thinks, I guess.  And makes us smile.

The Dec-o-tater

I just returned from my trip north to celebrate Christmas with my family.  My sister, Mary Beth and her husband Tom, hosted the event and also threw in a Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas morning breakfast for me and my sister and husband who also came in from DC.  I mean, we are talking Christmas china, silver... the works.  The usual crowd of my mom's side of the family arrived Christmas Day and all of the traditions that we always do were incorporated.  We have added a few changes over the years, with a new cookie or two, or a new food item, but the routine is pretty much the same.  Eat, talk and laugh loudly, drink mulled wine, repeat numerous times and have a White Elephant gift exchange.

The gift exchange was particularly lively this year.  Some highly sought after and repeatedly stolen items included 20% alcohol beer smuggled in from Michigan, the Holy Toast maker which creates an image of the Virgin Mary on your morning toast, a souvenir tin of tea from the Royal Wedding and, the pièce de résistance, the Dec-o-tater.

My sister is a columnist for the Akron Beacon Journal.  After writing a story about our family's pet potato, http://www.ohio.com/lifestyle/breckenridge/mary-beth-breckenridge-gifts-that-keep-on-giving-1.354247, a retired Portage County judge sent her a funky little potato as a gift.  And sure enough, it showed up as the following:

In addition, to all of the fun that my sister created for us, she also made a slide show of old family photos which ran on the TV screen during the day.  AND, we each received a copy.  I will share some of those gems in another blog.  What a nice way to remember all the family times and members who are no longer with us, or not able to attend our gathering.  It was so lovely.  I have learned to welcome that aspect of the holidays and no longer dread the sadness for times and people who are gone.  The memories get larger and more clear.  There can be such joy in loss, I have decided.



The day after Christmas was a bust, however. My grand kids had to return to Toledo instead of staying overnight with me when threats of a winter storm thwarted our plans.  In fact, after running a few errands in the morning before the snows began, I slowly made it back to the hotel where I spent the day, unable to venture out on the roads.  And today, after delayed flights, and sitting around in the airport, I finally made it home.  Despite the glitch in plans, the holiday was perfect. 

Holly, Jolly

Every year I intend to get cleverly crafted homemade Christmas cards in the mail.  Ha!  I don't know why it is always a few days before Christmas when I kick into gear.  I think having upbeat versions of Christmas Carols thumping during water aerobics this morning jump started my last hurrah.  Today is a cookie baking, last minute gift buying kind of day.  There is some problem living in the south where there is no cold, no smell of pine, no snow and no motivation.  So, this lame little homemade e-card will have to do.  But I want all of my family and friends to know that we think of you often, miss you, and if we do not see you this holiday season, we hope to soon! 

Follow your Instincts!

My blog is graphic and may be unsettling, but I write it to understand my own behaviour in hopes that others will act more aggressively if they encounter a situation that is similar.

The last visit that I had with my primary care physician, Dr. Mark Shaffer in Cleveland, before I moved to the Keys, was very troubling.  It happened perhaps six years ago and I remember it so vividly.  I sat on the examining table dressed in my little cotton shift talking to the Dr. during my annual routine physical visit and the conversation led into a path that I found uncomfortable and inappropriate.  In fact, I could not wait until the visit was over and I could get out of the room which began to feel unsafe and claustrophobic.  I do not know how the conversation turned, but Dr. S. began to tell me that he was having problems with his daughter who had accused him of molesting his own grandson.  And, he proceeded to tell me in detail about why there was a misunderstanding.  That his pre-adolescent grandson had asked to understand how to masturbate and Dr. Shaffer showed his the sensitive part of a penis.  I remember the Dr.'s exact words... "after all, for God's sake, I am a Doctor."  And from there, Dr. S. led into a discussion of his own sexual addictions and counseling he had been having because he had had multiple affairs which were ruining his marriage.

I was thinking the whole time - what???  Why was he telling me this?  I surmised that perhaps it was because I had been a therapist in the past and had some sort of open face and accepting persona that told people to share their intimate issues.  This same Dr. had shared other personal issues with me in the past, but I put them aside because he was a very thorough diagnostician and a patient and attentive family doctor. 

I left the office and saw his nurse on he way out.  I knew Jan from over 20 years of visits and for the first time, I told her I thought Dr. Shaffer was out of line and something was wrong.  I left the office disturbed and upset.  I discussed the scenario with friends and Harry and the summation ranged from "crazy" to "he was hitting on you."  I decided to end my relationship of over 20 years, but I did not address his actions or tell him why.  After the visit, I received a note from him saying my EKG was irregular and that I needed to come in and see him again to discuss it.  As much as that medical information upset me, I scheduled another test with another physician who evaluated and declared my EKG test to be normal.  I wondered if Dr. S. felt he had told me too much and needed an excuse to see me again to undo the damages.  I was perplexed and distressed!  What did he see in my EKG?  Was there something there that someone else would not notice?

I eventually put the whole incident behind me but today, received a text from a friend that Dr. Shaffer was on the news last night.  Here is the story...

AURORA -- Authorities say a 79-year-old northeast Ohio physician is accused of molesting children since the late 1990s.

A Portage County grand jury has indicted Dr. Mark Shaffer Jr., 79, on 24 counts including two counts of rape, 11 counts of gross sexual imposition, 10 counts of pandering obscenity and 1 count of kidnapping.

On November 28 search warrants were executed at both Shaffer's Aurora home and Bainbridge office as part of an on-going Postal Service investigation into alleged distribution on child porn.

Investigators say Shaffer agreed to an interview at the police station following the searches of his home and office. Aurora Chief Seth Riewaldt said Shaffer told officers that "for several years he had engaged in sexual activity with numerous children."
Shaffer his being held on a $100,000 bond. He has been fired from his job.

Now I am left with a sense of guilt.  Why didn't I pursue this and contact the AMA?  Or the Cleveland Clinic?  Or the police. Or confront Dr. Shaffer at that time and tell him how awkward he made me feel and how crazy he sounded.  I have no idea other than I am too damn proper and reserved to upset anyone and I was only looking at how he upset me and not that he was potentially a predator.  In fact, I never gave a thought to the idea that he would be a child molester.  I made the assumption from his confessions of his sexual addictions and affairs that he was talking about adults, and women.  I discounted the information about his grandson as being just nutty and inappropriate, not sexual.   I feel badly.   And hope that if you read this, and you have some sense that something is not right, you will remember my story and pursue your gut feelings.  Because instincts should not be ignored.  I did, and that may have cost a child some suffering and I am not going to rest easy over this.  I have contacted the Police Dept. in Aurora, Oh to share what information I have. 

December blooms

Some new orchids are blooming.

 Aeranges Biloba

 Catasetum - strangest orchid.  Loses all leaves and the flower comes out of the bare stalk.  And the flower - stunning and so fragrant.  It stares at me with it's big cyclops looking face and I sigh.

 Cattleya.  This time of year I am in Cattleya heaven.

A Vanda.  They just hang there with there roots cascading down.  No potting medium.  Bizarre.

Not Really Funny

I have recently decided that I am NOT a fan of practical jokes.  Some Karma in the air has forced two upon me in the past couple weeks and I just have to spout off my displeasure.

The first entailed a friend bringing her husband by the motel to say "hi" one day when she knew I would be working.  I had never met him.  I was "buzzed" to the office from another part of the property and charged up to the front door.  I greeted the gentleman standing there and asked if I could help him.  He asked if I rented rooms by the hour.  I responded, no, that we only rented nightly - all the while thinking of names for the man like "sleazeball, pervert, creepazoid" etc.  I wasn't taken aback, because, frankly, people do occasionally inquire of this form of rental but generally they rent the room and if they leave after a couple hours, hey, not my business.  The man was so persistent that I became flustered until I looked over at the woman standing off to the side and saw my friend.  Frankly, she didn't look so amused either but he thought it was a real hoot.

Today I had a guest walk into the office and announce that the masseuse that the desk clerk on duty last night had procured had not shown up.  OK, in my naive and Clorox addled head, I am thinking licensed physiotherapist and he was thinking backroom in Hong Kong.  After I apologized and fussed  trying to solve the dilemma because I thought the guest was really upset,  he burst out laughing at his own joke and my response.

And there was the epic practical joke last year that still makes me cringe.  My son's boss came to visit with Matt for a fishing trip and after dinner at a local joint and probably too many beers, the boss thought it would be so much fun to stiff the waitress he had been chatting up during dinner and pretend like we didn't leave a tip.  I protested heartily but he insisted and since he was paying the bill, and was my son's boss, what could I say.  I just hustled out of the way since I was embarrassed.  However, the waitress marched out of the restaurant to follow him where he was waiting while just beaming with pride over his cleverness.  She was not amused, nor was I.  I do have to say that he tipped her very generously, but I suppose she would have rather had less tip and more dignity.

Because, as I see it, a practical joke is funny only as long as someone is not used for the entertainment of others.  So, please, in the future, don't use me in your own little fantasies of funny, gentlemen.  Save it for your guy friends who somehow might think you are clever. 

Motel stories

I have people tell me that they enjoy hearing stories about the Sea Dell motel, so I thought I would entertain with the latest.  Harry received a call early in the AM last night from the Holiday Inn Express.  They are the only "chain" hotel in Marathon, where the Sea Dell is located and when they have overflow, they send them to us (nice compliment!).  Harry picks up the phone after hours when our staff has gone home, and we have a person who will go and do late night check-ins.  We cannot complain about the phone ringing in the middle of the night - because, as Harry says, "it's money calling."

However, last night the desk clerk at the Holiday Inn had a guest who was 57 years old with no credit card who wanted to use their mother's card number.  It is the Holiday Inn's strict policy to not use another person's credit card unless they can get the registration signed and faxed back by the card owner.  And this potential guest said his mother did not have a fax machine.  We also have that policy in place, but there are occasionally situations where we break that rule.  For example, we have had young people stranded with car problems and didn't have enough money to rent a room for the night and we will discuss with parents on the phone and approve a charge. 

Harry asked the clerk if the guest had a valid driver's license.  No, the guest's license was expired and he arrived on bicycle.  Harry then asked for the mother's phone number so that Harry could talk to her.  The clerk asked the guest for the phone number and then said in an absolute panic that she had to hang up, the man fell to the floor clutching his chest stating he had chest pains and that she thought he was having a heart attack and she had to call 911.

Harry called the clerk back after a half hour to check on how the man was.   The clerk informed Harry that when the EMS arrived, they knew the man, that he as a runaway from a halfway house and had "mental problems."  The poor clerk had been terrified.  The man was carted away.  Another day in the life of the motel business.