Vindication

After speaking to the witness to my accident, my insurance company is backing me up and the case is closed. I am not responsible for the accident and the police are wrong. Now, I have to wait to see what magic the lawyer can do and then I can write my letters to the head of the Florida Highway patrol. We have since learned that not only was I ticketed for something I did not do, the driver of the truck who hit me was hauling a trailer without brakes which is illegal in the State of Florida. I am a victim of DWW. Driving While White, or Driving White Woman, or Driving Wasp Woman. The policeman was young and Hispanic and so was the truck driver. And I was not.
Just another old fogey...

The "season" is upon us. That means all of the snowbirds are heading down, which means all of my golf friends are here and lots of business for the Keys. I remember being a snowbird and coming down to Florida every winter for one week. That dose of sun was just enough to get me through that long Cleveland winter - just barely. When my parents had a place in Zero Beach (Vero Beach which now would probably seem quite lively to me) we sometimes drove down and back in that week span when we were too poor to fly. We would golf, walk the beach, go to Dodgertown for spring training viewing and usually hit Disney World for a day. The air always seemed so balmy and I loved the sound of breezes rustling the palm fronds. I still do. Later, when I had a little more money in my pocket, I rented a condo on Sanibel for many years and my folks or other family would join us there. I never thought I would live in Florida. I think I probably scoffed at the idea of living where all the old people are. But here I am, and the Keys are like no Florida I have ever visited. When I went to Heinen's grocery store in Pepper Pike, Ohio, I never saw a man with a beard dressed as a woman. I don't mean transvestite. I mean, just wearing a dress.

Just last week we had numerous memorable incidents at the motel that remind me just how nutty people can be. One couple, who looked as average as can be, got drunk, arrested and booted out of a restaurant for disorderly conduct. Then, they returned to their room at the motel and proceeded to have a domestic quarrel that included breaking a car window (Elin and Tiger?) and getting booted after we called the police. Last week one of guests took his bathing suit off outside before going in his room. Hey, why not? And I cannot forget our frequent guest from South Beach who adores our place, and us, but got a little too happy having brunch at a nearby restaurant/bar this weekend and almost missed her shuttle ride back causing me a lot of anxiety and phone calling. That didn't really cause all that big of a stir, but her bending over to pet my dog did because she apparently doesn't wear undies. Well, at least in the Keys she doesn't. Oops. Rule #1, do not wear a short dress if you forgot your panties.

You Cannot Make a Silk Purse Out of....

Between a wonderful fishing vacation and a quick, super fun trip to Las Vegas to celebrate our 25th anniversary, I had a little accident. Well, not really so little since the repairs are over $9000 and include the whole left side of my beloved car (who cries when they see their car being towed away)? But, I was not hurt other than psychologically and that is the real good news since I was pushed forward right past a telephone pole. And, the car is repairable which I opted for because when I went to look at a replacement it was going to cost the same as a house in a short sale and had so many new bells and whistles I actually got depressed thinking about adjusting to something so complicated. It actually would back itself into a parking space - honest to goodness - Sam tried it.

The accident itself has created a bigger problem than just getting a rental and waiting for the repairs. I was cited for turning left from a right hand lane. The State Highway patrol officer determined this by the skid marks of the truck. According to a witness who turned around, came back to the scene and gave me his contact info but could not stay because he had to get to work - I was absolutely innocent, in the left lane with my blinker on and in front of him. I did not have the witness's backup information until later in the day when Harry went to visit him after waiting around for the police officer to do his job - which he never did.

A flat bed truck towing a trailer with a forklift on it (and no trailer brakes we later discovered), was tailgating the witness (or "up his ass" as he so indelicately proclaimed) and the witness was driving behind me. When the witness moved to the right hand lane to get out of the way of the truck, apparently Mr. Truck could not stop as I slowed to make my turn and opted to go off road to my left in order to avoid rear-ending me. All I could and can recall from the accident is that I was planning to turn left at an upcoming intersection and I suddenly heard a truck horn and then my car was scraped and pushed forward. When I stopped moving, the truck barrelled past me and I did not think he was going to be able to stop before hitting a building. His trailer scraped the telephone pole (and it has to be replaced) which slowed him down. When you have an accident that is unexpected (you do not see it coming) it is really surreal and very disorienting. I kept saying to the Patrolman "I do not understand what happened." And, I really didn't until the witness drew a diagram and explained it.

But, the patrolman did not go see the witness until Harry called his superior later in the day. The following day I still had not heard anything so we called the witness who told us he had been visited, no worries, the ticket was going to be dropped. Elation! Then, another phone call a short time later from the witness telling me that the supervisor re-visited the witness, said they would not drop the ticket, they would make a fool of the witness on the stand, and did he still want to testify. He said he told them "see you in court" and told me not to worry, he would be there. The witness was mad! I feel badly, that this kind good Samaritan goes out of his way to do the right thing and ends up being harassed! I cannot send him anything or even thank him properly until this is over but I hope he senses how grateful I am by what I said to him on the phone after our first conversation.

So, here is the dilemma. I can pay the fine and have my insurance go up and have this over with. I can go to driving school, no ticket fine and have my insurance go up. Or, I can plead not guilty (which I did), get a hearing, hire an attorney for over $900 and hopefully get the charges dropped before going to court (which would cost even more money in legal fees) and NOT have my insurance go up. Great choices. All costing me money because Patrolman R. Rodriguez would not do his job and interview a witness before writing a ticket nor would he change an existing ticket (apparently that never happens I later learned from the attorney).

I can understand why Egyptians are protesting. What else can you do when you do not have the money or the power to fight a corrupt system. My accident is a very minor incident in the larger spectrum of world issues, but it is also indicative of the sense of hopelessness that we feel when we are subjected to authority and have no voice. I trusted a patrolman to do a job as he promised so that I would get a fair judgement. Just like my earlier blog about the TSA, it is important to stand up for ourselves and then try to right injustices. It is the only way to help prevent it from happening to someone else.

Grammy Exciting

Jack and Matt were here for a few days of fishing. I received the highest compliment, in my opinion, when 5 year old Jack described me as "exciting'. I don't want to be remembered as soft, cuddly, or sweet. I want to be remembered for the activities that I did with my grand kids, the laughs we shared and the things that we learned together.

Unfortunately, I think that Jack's definition of "exciting" is based on my constant accidents, loudness and inappropriate language of which my son Matt is constantly saying "MOM!" I dropped my bag of gear for the boat in the canal behind the house causing much excitement to rescue it before sinking. I did lose my digital camera to salt water damage and had to tell Jack about the last camera that I lost when I jumped in the water to save the flats boat from drifting away at a boat ramp several years ago when I left the van door open accidentally all day and the battery died and as we were trying to get the battery jumped the boat, which was untended by me, became un-beached and nearly drifted to sea. And then during this vacation, I lost my hat, twice, out on the water and it had to be fished out - which isn't so easy when you are moving forward with four fishing lines in the water and the hat is rapidly heading the other direction. Second time, Capt. Ahab Matt wouldn't even stop fishing to rescue it. And, as a precaution to Jack about the danger of fish hooks I had to tell him about the one I got stuck in my ankle and had to wear like a new type of ankle piercing all day until we got to shore and it could be removed.

Oh, and then I had that little accident on the boat in front of Jack when a large wave tossed me back into a cabinet and the wind was knocked out of me and I couldn't talk for a while and needed to go back to shore and to the ER.

I guess to a five year old that is exciting. To me it is just my normal world which as always been full of mishaps and ditziness. I suppose the Welsh in me makes me a little more dramatic, noisier and theatrical than need be. But rest assured, I am a very hyper vigilant and responsible grandmother so no need to worry.

Blessings

This photo was taken Christmas 2005. The three elders, my aunts Mary and Betty and Uncle Ted in the middle of the photo are now gone. Two new babies, Dominic Toto and Ruby Urich have been added to the group. The location, my home in Pepper Pike, Ohio, has been sold and I have moved. Life moves on in a continuous flux of loss and additions. I have reached a mellow place about that reality and wonder if aging is the reason. I think I like the peacefulness of acceptance that life is short and temporary. It makes appreciation for blessings so much deeper.

Sam and I flew to Toledo this year and spent a couple days with Matt, Megan, Jack and Ruby as a pre-Christmas warm-up. It was a flurry of activity, preparations, wrapping, cooking and the other usual holiday prep without the stress of having to do it myself, in my home. We celebrated Sam's 22nd birthday and Megan made him a spectacular Red Velvet cake. I got lots of grand kid time. Highlights - the crazy chaos of trying to get them bathed, unwound and into bed. Ruby jumping on the couch in her diaper yelling "nako baby." Taking Jack and Ruby to see the movie "Tangled" after driving madly about Toledo trying to get to a movie theater in time when my GPS was misbehaving and I was fighting holiday traffic. Despite Jack falling asleep in the car and having to wake him out of a coma and race into the second theater complex we drove to, buy popcorn and run to the seats, I enjoyed the movie. And best, always, was having little bodies in bed with me either all night or early morning.

Sam and I drove to Cleveland Christmas Eve day. Christmas Eve was spent with my sisters, their husbands, and my nephew at my sister Mary Beth's home. She had also invited some friends and their children and we had a lot of fun, food and the requisite Bacardi cocktails that we have every Christmas Eve in honor of Matt's dad's family. Let me give you a hint... lots of rum. In the small world department, one of Mary Beth and her husband Tom's friends worked for my father-in-law years ago and knew many of the Caplan Crazy family. We finished the evening with a game of Boggle.

Christmas day found us back at my sisters for a gourmet breakfast and then the usual Grey family crowd. I counted 26 this year. The routine does not change. Lots of food. Mulled wine. White elephant gift exchange, and talk, talk and talk. Mary Beth and Tom were splendid hosts and the house was a wonderfully cosy and Christmasy setting. The video is in their music room. Ruby was enthralled with their piano.

Megan, Matt and kids joined Sam and I at the motel that night. Matt and Megan went out with friends and I kept the kids with me. We opened gifts and the hits were Woody and Jessie talking dolls. It was hard getting them to sleep when Woody kept asking for his hat and saying "Heydy, Howdy, Ho!" Ruby had a mini meltdown crying for her mommy but after a minute or so, stopped, asked for Chapstick on her lips, rolled on her side and fell sound asleep.

Sunday we hung out, met some friends for lunch and Matt went to the Brown's game. I got ready to leave the next morning and woke at 4am to check flight status to learn that my flights were cancelled since I was flying through Newark and they were snowed in. I spent several hours on the phone and the soonest I could out was Wednesday. It was like getting a snow day. I made some calls, added days to the motel and car rental and was able to visit friends that I didn't think I would be able to see. Of course I couldn't see everyone from the "old days" but did manage to catch up with some. A problem turned into what I was talking about in my first paragraph - a blessing.

Christmas Cookie Connoisseur

Since my move to the Keys, one of the holiday traditions that I miss the most is the annual cookie decorating with my sister, Mary Beth. We began taking over the cookie baking from our mom when I was in my late teens, and since Mary Beth is ten years younger, she was a child cookie maven! We usually produced five or six different types of cookies, and over the years, honed the variety to our favorites (in other words, those which we wanted to eat). We used to do a marathon one day event which often ended with some hysterical, laugh-till-we-cried comment out of our happy exhaustion. Later, to fit the cookies around families, and work, we divvied up the list and baked and exchanged but always, until the last couple of years, got together to decorate our favorite sour cream cookie. With Christmas carols playing (am I imagining remembering the Hallelujah chorus as we finished our last cookies) and Mary Beth's incredibly beautifully decorated house as the setting, the time together allowed a catching up period in our lives. My mood would lift and I would finally have the Christmas spirit.

The cookie recipe came from a neighbor in our childhood in Youngstown, Ohio name Dorothy Bevan. My mother had a set of cookie cutters which we treasured and are now in Mary Beth's kitchen. I have my own set which was given to me by a cousin, Teddy Grey, who is deceased after succumbing to complications of Juvenile diabetes. Teddy found them in his own mother's kitchen after she passed away and handed them to me one Christmas in an old Christmas card box. I treasure them and even the vintage box they live in! The cutters were originally made in 1948 and are called "Aunt Chick's cookie cutters." Cutters from the original molds are reproduced today but the original sets are collectibles. The history of the cookie cutters can be found at http://www.grammascutters.com/chick.asp . I remember proudly taking the Easter Bunny cookie to my class in elementary school for my birthday sharing treat. My mom wasn't very artistic, but those cookies were works of art in my eyes.

The recipe for the cookies even gave me a photo op in the Cleveland Plain Dealer back in 1977. I had sent the recipe in for some reason that I cannot remember, and the cookie was selected and a photographer sent to my house. I found the photo and article tucked away in some of my mom's things once. I guess it didn't matter after all that I didn't make National Honor Society because I was recognized for my cookie baking skills. Even more bizarre was the mention of same in my first husband's eulogy at his funeral. Doug had a fine appreciation for our cookies and was probably our biggest fan. I was not really all that thrilled about having his girlfriend at the time of his death sum me up as his blond, Swedish first wife who was an incredible cookie baker... What did she know. I am not even really blond.

The real cookie artist, though, is my sister, who never ceases to amaze me with her absolutely gorgeous creations. Over the years we have included other persons in the decorating process, and actually, Mary Beth's husband has shown a bit of a creative flare in the decorating arena. Our sons, Sam and Dan, who are six weeks apart in age, always had to decorate a few each year. Sometimes that caused a bit of a cringe from MB who is a self pronounced perfectionist, but I think she finally has that part of her nature tamed. After all, it is a bit hard to see a perfectly baked cookie turned into a Jackson Pollack wannabe. Sam's version of decorating consisted of how high he could pile icing and how many silver dragees and colored sprinkles he could fit on a two inch star. Even I had a bit of a problem putting those cookies on the platters we gave away! I think they may have ended up on my hips instead.

When I asked Mary Beth if she had a picture I could post in my blog, her response was "of course, who doesn't take pictures of their cookies?" So here it is. And, if you want the recipe, you have to read the blog and ask me! I only share with those who care.

Naughty or Nice?

It probably was a mistake for me to open my mouth a few minutes ago when leaving the grocery store. After watching my Browns lose to a team who had a ten game losing streak going before we handed them a win, I may have been a bit Grinchie. When I approached my car, I watched a middle aged couple push their empty shopping cart to the parking space next to them and start getting in their car. I had to do it. I said "you really shouldn't leave your cart there - it blocks others and may damage a car. You need to put it back." Begrudgingly, the man pushed the cart back to the store entrance. He was probably calling me endearments the whole time - that begin in B, end in H and have ITC in the middle. I think I have watched hundreds of people do this but for some reason, I couldn't keep my mouth shut today.

I have a list of pet peeves and I want to share a few. I would love to hear what bugs the heck out of other people.

Naughty:

1. Obviously, the cart issue.

2. The dog walkers in my neighborhood who lovingly place their bags of dog poop under the baggie dispenser in the neighborhood park. What do they think, that the Poop Fairy comes sometime between dusk and dawn, sprinkles fairy dust and makes them disappear with her magic wand? Its not like there are not numerous garbage cans in the park. And, if these pet owners are too lazy to walk the extra steps to use one, why can't they carry the little bag that is provided to them free of charge to their home and put it in their own trash. Do the rest of us enjoy looking at a beautiful landscape with white poop bags as accents?

3. The drivers who, after been let in to traffic by your kindness, patience and generosity, drive on by without a little wave or a smile or even a solemn nod of acknowledgement. It makes me feel they believe they deserve to cut in. It is their right and I am supposed to delay my journey for them. Bah.

4. Litter. Especially cigarette butts. I am shocked at the motel by how many butts I can pick up in a day. 'Nuf said.

5. Cell phone users who talk loudly in public places so that I can hear their conversations. Like the man in the grocery store last week who was saying "she hasn't found the pistol yet, but she is still looking." Did I need to worry about that? Harry is in this category of naughty. He cannot put the phone on mute, unless he is in the movies or a funeral. I give him the evil eye in restaurants when it rings.

Also, drivers who slow down to below the speed limit, and when you pass them, you see that they are cluelessly gabbing away, oblivious to their surroundings. Or even worse, are texting - looking down with the occasional glance up at the road ahead. I cannot say that I do not talk on my phone, so Santa, please don't bring me coal. I will try to do better.

Of course there are many more pet peeves. People who want to talk and not listen. People who speed up when you try to pass them. People who talk in movies. People who talk about getting old - like when you say how are you and they say "good, I woke up." The list can go on and on. And, on a Nice note, when I stopped at the post office after the shopping cart incident, a woman waited with the door held open for me. I thanked her so profusely because she elevated me out of my Scrooge mood, she may have thought I was high on something. Just on gratitude and with thoughtful people and Christmas carols on the radio, who can stay grumpy for long.

Marin County, USA

We just got back from visiting Doris (Harry's step mom) in her new digs. She lives in the hills in the picture to the left on the north side of the Golden Gate bridge in Marin County. I have been singing Scott McKenzie's inane song lyrics "if you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair" all week. I have been to the city before, but never spent much time north and WOW, I love this area of the country.

Doris moved to an apartment in a senior living facility in San Rafael a few months ago after living in L.A. for her adult life. It was a very big move for her but she decided that she needed to be near her "boys", Harvey and Ron now that her husband, Harry's dad, is gone.

After years of visiting in LA, this is new territory for us and really fun to explore somewhere new. Ron and Harvey (Harry's step-brothers) were incredible tour guides. Harvey took us into the Napa Valley and in the town of Napa we had a fantastic lunch at a restaurant in Napa named La Tra Vigne. The food and surroundings reminded me so much of my walking trip in Tuscany. We stopped at wineries and also did a wine tasting. I could even sort of taste some of the descriptions of wines, (dusty?) although there is a haughtiness that is somewhat amusing to me about the whole process. To me, if it tastes good, it is good. The valley is so picturesque, with rolling hills covered in grape vines and charming, rustic and Victorian architecture. I felt drawn to the area and could easily imagine being a farmer there in a former life.

Harry and I also visited Muir Woods National Park. Harry was so proud to use his senior pass that gets us in for free at all NP's. What an amazing and prehistoric-feeling environment. Chilly, damp, silent with thousand year old towering Redwoods (sequoia sempervirons) looming over us. And in other parts of California, there are the Giant Sequoia which are around 3000 years old! We got a bit lost getting there and the ride on a hairpin curved road with no guard rails was like my nightmare that accompanies the one I have of driving over bridges. I was almost in Harry's lap since I was on the cliff side.

Doris's other son, Ron, took us on the city tour. The view of the Golden Gate bridge was taken from the Presidio area and next to a Civil War fort. I have to look that up because I cannot understand why there would have been a fort there. Who would they have been defending against? I wanted to jump out of the car over and over in the city and explore, but unfortunately, Doris's bad knee is limiting her mobility so our activities are getting more and more limited, and we did most of that days sightseeing on our bums. I mean, the most activity we had was limited to non-stop restaurant decisions and eating. I think I will pack my tennis shoes next time and head to the gym every day as we did some serious eating. The words "organic", "artisanal", "fresh" are thrown about and they really do fit the cuisine. This area is for serious foodies.

Doris seems to be adjusting. It was disarming to see her apartment at first. A home dismantled and condensed to the basics in a small apartment. But all of it familiar to us, if not in a different setting. I think that for me, the realization of a life change, and Harry's dad gone, was the most disturbing. And, when we would go downstairs to leave the building, seeing all of the various types of walkers lined up outside of the dining room was a reality check. It is just selfish on my behalf. I don't want to see Doris age. She is our last parent to enjoy time with.