Grey Christmases

The title "Grey Christmases" does not refer to the weather in Northeastern Ohio where I grew up, but to my mother's family, the Greys, with whom I have spent every Christmas Day save three that I recall: when I was 18 and left home alone with a stomach virus, when I brought my youngest son Sammy home from the hospital and last year when I was a martyr and worked.

The Greys are Welsh and loud and fun. I grew up with a number of cousins my age and we have remained close and loving. Our parents, aunts and uncles all had beautiful dark red hair and none of us sports that particular shade, although there are a few strawberry blonds in the mix.

Several years ago, my Aunt Betty (my mother's twin sister) received, from her brother Ted, a special gift on Thanksgiving. It was a potato from his garden, that looked like a turkey. We got many laughs from the gift. At Christmas, it showed up in our White Elephant gift exchange dressed as above, the Christmas potato. My 50th birthday fell near Easter that year, and sure enough, my cousin Mary gifted it to me, dressed as the Easter Bunny. And, then, the next Christmas, it made it's final appearance in the White Elephant gift exchange again, this time as an angel. It was so desiccated and scary looking by that time, it needed to retire to heaven. Recalling the potato this Christmas, we did have some memory of it wearing a bikini, and perhaps it did make an appearance at the annual Beach Haven, New Jersey cousin's shore vacation.

The White Elephant gift exchange was started by my mother. It was a bit of a hard sell that first year, but quickly caught on and has been an annual event for perhaps 25 or more years. The idea is to find your best white elephant and put it in the exchange. Each participant draws a number with #1 being the best because after all gifts are opened, #1 can steal any other gift and the event ends. Stealing gifts is a big part of the fun. When it is your turn, you can take someone elses gift and they in turn can steal or open a new present. This year, the premier fought after items were a skunk fur cap with a moving tail and a Poo-pet (don't ask). Over the years, there have been items that reappear ever so often, like the gi-normous underpants, the size 50DDDDDDDDDD bra that Aunt Mary obtained when she worked in foundations in Stone & Thomas Dept. store, a muumuu that my husband modeled, a used and happily discarded maternity bathing suit, adult size footed pjs, and many more silly items. Some choice antiques and collectibles have also appeared and then the stealing gets serious! I am reminded, with some guilt, that I put my great grandfather's large oval framed picture in the exchange after being designated its recipient when my Aunt Betty died. But you would have to see his face to understand. Frightening! I know Aunt Betty would forgive me; she loved her nieces and nephews that much.

With 20 to 30 persons in one room, hooting and hollering, the din gets quite significant. Being a new member of this family must be daunting. Aunt Betty, who was left the matriarch after her siblings were gone, would put people "on probation" if they misbehaved, or even if they didn't and she was feeling ornry (which was often). One family member by marriage in particular was constantly on probation and there was even a protest one year with placards being carried through the living room saying "FREE STEVE."

When Christmas Day is coming to an end, when my sister Mary Beth's mulled wine is consumed, when we have finished appetizers and dinner and cookies and always sundaes with chocolate sauce made from Aunt Dolly's recipe, I feel the incredible holiday warmth and glow that comes after a day of catching up with loved ones. Grey Christmases are not gloomy at all.

I Married This Guy!

In case you didn't notice, the lens in the right side of Harry's glasses is half gone. Why this is significant is not because it is to correct his new cataract-free vision, but because he walked in this way after grinding his glasses to create a solution for his new adjusted eyesight. When the cartoon character Jessica in Who Framed Roger Rabbit was asked why she married Roger, she said "because he makes me laugh." I am Jessica (sans the looks).

My kids believe I married Harry because he adds excitement to my life and I have to admit, honestly, that I am a restless soul and so he does fill the bill. When I first met him, for our first date he picked me up in a car that had oil well equipment on the back seat, because he was drilling wells in Ohio. That did seem a bit out of the ordinary to me. When I first saw his house, I was amazed at the project he undertook. Not a simple remodel. He built most of our first house, which included an indoor swimming pool and pottery room for hobbies. The pottery room was an example of his creative mind. He found the kiln and equipment at a garage sale, and the classes and room followed. He saw a parrot and the next thing I knew, we owned macaws and parrots and even bred them. The cage was a spectacular open air affair that of course, he built. He wanted to fly. Well, he learned and we did. He had a series of different planes and there were a series of trips that ensued. The experiences are fairly endless, and I could go on and on, but the point is, this is a very interesting man who NEVER sees something as impossible. I just go along for the ride.

He has continued to be one of the most interesting, exciting, funny, impulsive, entertaining and annoying people I have ever met. He is generous and kind which counteracts his bluntness and sometimes rudeness. If he likes you, then you will benefit because he has helped many people; whether it is to get a start in a business, a job or just a helping hand. The Masons invited him to a meeting and later to join their organization after he was observed helping a fellow shopper deal with a difficult load in a Home Depot shopping lot. He talks to everyone. Someone once said he probably talks to statues in the park. He makes people laugh, or he offends them. Depends on the recipient and their willingness to engage with a stranger in banter or political views. He makes connections wherever he goes. And, he is unbelievable bright. Not just intelligence, but in a very creative way. I think of him as a small scale Donald Trump with better hair.

What would the last 25 years of my life have been like without Harry? Well, I am sure it would have been a smoother path to travel. There have definitely been some potholes along the way, and some have been pretty deep. But I would have missed the slow climb up the roller coaster and then the wild free fall down at breakneck speed. That adrenaline rush has made it, in the words of my father-in-law, quite a ride!

Watch Your Thoughts

I am a long time fan of police blotter news. The local paper for Chagrin Falls, Ohio that we used to subscribe to had a story one time about a police responding to a call regarding house plants that seemed to be changing locations at night in an office building lobby. I found this little gem of a story in the Marathon, Fl. newspaper.

"A Marathon man is under arrest for attacking another man with a large knife. The 50 year old victim told Deputy Bradford Colen that a 58 year old Florentino Arencibia rode up to him on his bicycle at about 2:10 PM last Friday. He said Arencibia said he was going to kill him, then took out a large knife and swung it at him, hitting him in the chest. The victim suffered a small cut on his chest, but did not want any medical attention.

Deputies found Arencibia nearby and questioned him about the incident. He repeated his threats about killing the victim. When they asked him why, he said it was because 'he stole my mind.' Arencibia as arrested and charged with aggravated battery. He was booked into jail."

Get Up, Stand Up

I won... sort of. I went to court for my small claims case against the "man" (Mariner's Hospital actually). I dreaded going. I hate to have to assert myself. I don't even like to do it on the phone let alone in a courtroom. I did get to go to a mediator which was much friendlier than standing in front of the local Judge Judy. I was organized and presented my case. The hospital agreed to zero my balance and I agreed to absorb court costs. So their bill for $1189 of lab work became essentially $300. I could have gone to trial for that $300, but I figured I did get a service, and I should pay something. What I did learn is that you better check exactly what your insurance covers before you have any procedure done. And, I did learn that emergency room visits are covered 100% minus your co-pay - no matter what hospital you go to and no matter what insurance you have. But scheduled procedures are a different story. So if they tell you that you need an x-ray, you better ask "am I covered."

Oh, and by the way, the judge down here has a ponytail.

Happy Thanksgiving

I have found that the perfect solution for avoiding the holiday blues and the heart ache that comes with missing loved ones who are here only in memory. Just do not celebrate holidays.

Don't worry, I am not advocating abolishing Thanksgiving. I am just rationalizing the fact that I am going to have my little Thanksgiving dinner with Sam and Harry before Sam rushes off to work. It could have been worse because until mid-day today, I thought I would be working also. A mad dash to the store (perilous in itself) and we are all set to have our favorites.

Unfortunately, I will only have two pies (for three people?), and two vegetable dishes instead of the plethora of choices I used to have celebrating with my mother's side of our family. As kids, for years we traveled to Cadiz, Ohio. I can still see the frosty covered hills and barren trees as we approached the area of southeastern Ohio known as coal country. Most of the drive was two lane roads twisting and turning around the hills which was always a challenge for my youngest sister Mary Beth, who was usually car sick most of the way and couldn't appreciate arriving to a house that smelled like turkey yummy heaven to the rest of us. Cadiz is famous for being the birthplace of Clark Gable. The town is small. My Aunt Dolly and Uncle John lived in town, and I don't think there were suburbs in Cadiz. There house was old and furnished in antiques. The view from the upstairs windows was pastoral, of rolling hills and the neighbors ponies. There were nooks and crannies with treasures galore. Aunt Dolly had a box of trinkets - the most amazing collection of probably every crackerjack toy made. I am talking about "cool" stuff before the company got cheap! And she had a cupboard in her kitchen stocked with toys and goodies to play with. Their living room was stuffed with comfortable furniture and for some reason, perhaps economic, there were several patterns of wall paper on the walls. This was a house that was comfortable, cluttered and homey. No House and Garden decor. Every turn had some wonderful thing to look at, play with, or even wear.

Uncle John was the bank president. But, in his retirement, he and Aunt Dolly collected antiques and Uncle John learned to cane chairs. We had dinner in the basement before moving upscale to the garage (decorated, heated and spotless with collections of glass antiques in the windows and art on the walls). The basement had hooks on the walls and a collection of caned wooden chairs so that when company came, there was seating. No folding metal chairs for us!! The dishes were matching china and all of the nieces have a plate or two now. I think the pattern is Blue Onion but I may be wrong. The glasses were mismatch and sometimes, in my clouded recollection, jelly jars, and my cousins and I would laugh at Aunt Dolly's frugality. After a day of food, playing with cousins, fresh air after feeding treats to the horses and sometimes, even taking side trips like visiting the Harrison Ohio "old folks home" that was run by my Great Aunt Norma, or seeing the world's largest excavating shovel, the Silver Spade, it would be time to leave. My three siblings and my parents and I would get cozy in our warm car driving home, singing Christmas carols and exclaiming over the first holiday decorations we would see. The stars always seems so bright on that ride home and getting out of that car, being sleepy and so content, and stepping into the cold night air and the end of another perfect holiday, was always so hard.

Today, Aunt Dolly's daughter, Jane, still hosts Thanksgiving at her home in Richmond, Ohio. Her mother's china will be on the table as well as pitchers, vases, candlesticks and many other family heirlooms to make the memories continue. The last year I was there, there were also photos of the loved ones we miss so much who gave us the gift of love of family and of laughter and joy. I will miss the company, the catching up and the requisite hike in the woods after dinner. Happy Thanksgiving to the best family in the world!!

The Legal System

I lived for over 55 years without having to deal with the courts. Except for my divorce from Doug, which cost us about $750 and we used the same lawyer and wrote our own agreement (I know, if we got along that well why did we divorce - another blog story), and fighting a traffic ticket which I won, I stayed pretty clear. But either my luck has changed or I got tired of getting pushed around, because I have filed my second small claims case and am also involved in suing people over a business contract.

My first small claims case was a bust. I wimped out. I used to do free lance graphic design work and my clients didn't pay me for some work. I filed the claim, and believe me, it is a hassle. I showed up for mediation. They brought their 6 year old. So, how tough could I be in front of a child? Was I going to say negatives about his parents? The case was set for a hearing. I was so upset that my eight year relationship with them had gotten to that point that I wrote them a letter - couldn't we please just settle on an amount and end the strife? They wrote back that they felt upset also and yes we could. We agreedon an amount. I dropped the case. They asked for a little more time to pay as times were tough. Guess what; it has been over two years and I never got paid. Suck-er!

The second case involve Harry and I and a couple that we met in the Keys. The husband bought Harry's plane and Harry spent a great deal of time helping him learn to fly it. They became friends. They wanted to purchase a hotel. Harry found them one in foreclosure, got the financing for them based on his track record and in exchange, they were to give us 5% ownership and since the property was near our home, we would supervise it. We worked like crazy getting the property running and switching management. I did their website, all documents, trained staff, and provided the couple with all of our vendors and our expertise. When I finally got to the lawyers office to sign the contract, it was a joke. They were going to pay me a management fee and I could be terminated at any time. No 5% as offered. We essentially set them up in business and then got dumped. I should have known when a few days earlier the wife changed all passwords on web hosting and locked me out from any access to any files that I had created for the business. I was furious. We worked hours and hours for this couple and the wife, who I had to deal with, was the most impossibly difficult woman I have ever met. She had staff quitting left and right and I had to pick up the pieces and sooth all egos. She was a control freak who changed her mind daily. I was beside myself after every phone call. The last straw for me was when I saw on their web site recently that she had even ordered our identical furniture - something I had found through research and working with a designer. I really never knew from first hand experience that in business, there are some horrible, cut-throat people but I got my lesson first hand. Our law suit has taken over a year so far, and in January, I will be deposed. This time, I won't wimp out.

Lastly, is my small claims case against a local hospital. I think I am just tired of being ripped off. I was scheduled for my yearly physical and every year, I have to have blood drawn to have my thyroid levels checked. In the past, the blood was drawn in the doctor's office and my insurance paid for the lab work. This time I had to go to the hospital as the office no longer drew blood. I went to the hospital and they couldn't find the paperwork. I went a second time and did the normal check-in process with admissions. Gave them my info and my insurance card. Had the work done. Then, I got the bill. Almost $1200 for the routine lab work. I hit the roof. My insurance carrier was not accepted by the hospital. Wait a minute. It is a sister hospital to the one where Sam had his tonsils out last year and they accepted our insurance. Dummy me for assuming that hospitals under the same umbrella ownership would bill the same. I wrote a letter to the hospital. No answer. I wrote a second letter. No answer. I called the billing dept. They told me that even employees do not get their blood drawn there - they have to go to a local lab. But that clerk could not direct me to a "higher up" to discuss the bill. Then I got the notice from a collection agency. So, I decided that if I cannot get their attention any other way, I will go to court. I filed the claim. It is a huge hassle. I had to find a process server to deliver the papers to their corporate office. I have a date scheduled. I am going to fight this and even if I lose and end up paying $500 more in court costs, at least I get to have my say because how hard was it for a clerk to tell me "we do not accept your insurance" and give me the option to find a facility that does. Informed consent? Bullshit.

Peek-a-Boo

Our desk clerk, Carol, had an interesting encounter today. A husband and wife pulled up and the husband came into the motel office to book a room for three nights. During the process, he commented on the fact that he could, of course, swim sans suit? Carol explained that no, our motel is family oriented and she in fact did not know of any place, other than a nude beach in Key West, that allowed nude swimming. She explained that there might be hotels there that allowed nude swimming in their pools, but we didn't know which ones, and since it is Fantasy Fest, the rates would be exorbitant. The potential guest was indignant! He drawled in his good ole boy southern accent (he wasn't even European!) - "you mean my wife can't even go topless?" Carol politely explained no, sorry. The man decided to leave and seek a more liberal establishment. But, not before Carol saw his true nature - peeking out from the hem of the shortest shorts imaginable.

Let It Be

For the past 11 months, since Harry's beloved father passed away, I have lived with the ensuing (maybe that is en-sue-ing) family drama that has unfolded. I feel sometimes as though I could just scream and often, Guinness gets an extra long walk with me half-dragging him home.

I just cannot get it through my head how a family can crumble in one year. All over money, really. I have tried to weigh each sides viewpoints. My father-in-laws accountant put it most succinctly; that Harry's sister, who is the trustee and the source of all of the angst, has done what in her mind is legally right, but has not done what is right for the family. When you shut down and become secretive, you spread the seeds that will grow into suspicion and mistrust. When you fire your cousins who have worked for your father for over 30 years, and you sue your remaining uncle who was your father's lifetime business partner and best friend, and cannot explain your actions, you create a rift as large as the San Andreas Fault. And what happens when that uncle dies suddenly during this past year? The last year of his life is tainted with a family rift that could have never been expected. Harry's father was a lovely man, and the pain that I feel is that he would have been so deeply hurt by the way this year has unfolded. He expected the highest ethics from people, but I think he also believed that ethics without humanity are wasted.

Thank you my sister, Mary Beth, for doing the job of executor for our parents estate for no compensation other than a set of Christmas dishes that we gave you. Even if the estate had been of the magnitude as Harry's father, I believe you would have done the job the same way. How did I get so lucky, to have such loving, sane, ethical, caring siblings??

My Morning Caffeine

I don't really drink coffee but when I go to work, the one thing that will pick me up quickly are the notes that our night staffer, Alex, leaves me on the counter. He calls Harry and I the Count and Countess of the Dell and calls the property Camp Dell Tikinawa. Alex is one of a kind. He is middle aged, nice looking with distinguished-looking greying hair. Before a bout of cancer, he lived in NYC working on sets and costumes in the theater. After his illness, he came to Marathon to care for his mother who was ill, and stayed on. He is an artist, a writer, and self-educated without a formal college degree. He created 25 room number plaques for us and we love his art. He speaks with a slight British affected accent to accompany his love of literature. His favorite childhood author was Jane Austen. He had a British grandmother who exposed him to culture and he grew up in Argentina because his father ran away to that country and married a local woman and brought his family back every year to summer in the Keys. Alex's past was harsh. His father was abusive. He is one of the walking wounded. He cringes if you enter his personal space. He is intelligent and quick but in my opinion, the damaged parts of his soul prevent him from functioning to the best of his abilities. He is wonderful with guests, fastidious about how the rooms look and a terrific host. But, with Alex, there are often more dramas and dilemmas and interpersonal issues than with any other staff member. He has a dark side and a haughty arrogance and a prejudice that he seems to wrestle with in his Catholic conscience.

Even though his moods are unpredictable, one thing I can count on without fail are his notes, cheering me up. I have decided to share a few.

"I will be most of the afternoon at The Marathon Community Health Center (which I call "The People's Clinic"). I am certain it is God's way of punishing me & teaching me humility by making me spend an afternoon in a waiting room engulfed by "those" people. Was ear plugs, large, cheap but tasteful sunglasses, ad double dosage of high blood pressure medication and some passionate Scottish poetry. I think that will be the best way to go. The best way to endure a good sized room swarming with the most frightening specimens of humanity. Of course I must inform the nurse when I check in that my ears will be plugged to block out those heinous sounds, so that when my turn comes they can come and get me. I'm sure I will be easy to find. The only twit in the room with a purse and a book! (Well, let's face it, the only twit in the room). Wouldn't you think???

If I am early enough, I shall stop for a moment for a dash of puppy love. I shall be in terrible need after that dental ordeal. Instead of a new second-hand book, my usual self treat after surviving something hideous, I think I will opt for a package of Ash Medium Brown Hair Color from Just for Men. I feel so utterly decrepit these days. And its on sale at CVS. A touch of youth in a bottle for just $6.95. Like my old friend Rose Silverman used to say to me "Dahlink, you're foolish to walk away from that!"

And another...

"I am also a big softy for any one's suffering. Anyone. Like that woman the other night, the one I let stay at the pool for a while. Her vulgarity made me bristle as she looked like she should have been peddling her papayas somewhere in old Times Square. yet she was in reality a poor frightened older woman in trouble. She had stayed with us in #6 for too many days and had enjoyed herself immensely. I remember she once came to the office at 2 in the morning, her eyes blood shot with beer, reeking of a wet ashtray, her blubbery pear shaped body clad in a teenager's bikini bra and panties. (I am looking for the right support group to help me deal with that vision!!!) She had locked herself out and could she please have a key??? Of course, I just had to ask why she was outside in her underwear in the first place and she told me she sat there in the evenings like that to smoke. After I recovered from this perfectly natural explanation I very gently reminded her that this was a family place and not a flop house and could she at least be dressed when she sat outside to smoke. Poor old thing, she liked me so much that she ran like a child to change and then came back to the office to model and equally vulgar bit of attire but at least it was not lingerie!

Is it just me, or is there charm in these writings. I love them! I start my day with a smile. Thank you Alex for all the delights that you bring to us.

Credit Card Woes

I have had a Chase Visa for years that gives me rewards from Amazon. Last year, I realized that I didn't use my USAA credit card very much because I didn't get rewards so I gave them a call to see if there was a plan that would give me airline miles. USAA was incredibly accommodating and I was able to negotiate a super low interest rate based on my years of loyalty and superb begging techniques. I started using that card for most of my purchases to accumulate miles. The Chase Visa sat as a back up not getting much use, and now it is cut in two and lying at the bottom of the trash can. Chase sent me the "rate-jacking" letter that consumers are complaining about and raised my APR rate to at least 13.24% - up from 9.65%. I have great credit scores and have never been late or missed a payment. The options are to cancel or accept their new terms.

In addition, many credit card companies have as much as doubled the monthly minimum payments due on outstanding balances. This is, of course, because banks are trying to get a jump ahead of consumer protection laws going in to effect in February. Yes, the banks are holding a lot of consumer debt. Yes, the economy sucks. Yes, people are in debt. But, no one seemed to be reigning in the banks when they were filling the mail boxes across America for years with low APR intro offers and giving cards to just about anyone who knew how to fill out an application. Hey, you could get instant credit and cool looking credit cards AND a gift at almost any sporting event in the 90's. I don't think they were doing this because they felt magnanimous and wanted to boost our retail economy for the good of the country.

Obviously I am viewing the banking system with a bit of skepticism considering the mess the banks and mortgage companies have made. It starts in Congress. A quote from Senator Dick Durbin who has been instrumental in leading legislation for consumer protection - "and the banks -- hard to believe in a time when we're facing a banking crisis that many of the banks created -- are still the most powerful lobby on Capitol Hill. And they frankly own the place." Doesn't anyone in government have any brains when it comes to the economy? Doesn't anyone get cause and effect? And why do you apply for a credit card and get accepted based on the terms at the time of the initial contract and then the terms can change. It seems like "bait and switch" to me. Geez, can our mortgage rates double too?

Ouch!

I had a couple ride up on their bikes today looking for a room. No problem, they liked what they saw and we checked them in. When I asked about how they got here, I learned that they rode here from Montreal, Quebec. 37 days. One day to go to reach Key West. Then, they fly home. And, they have done the trip 4 times since 2001! The couple was perhaps late 60's age wise although they might have been in their 30's and aged that much on the way! There were pretty weather-beaten. He told me he just loves to ride his bike. All I could think of was how much my tush hurts after riding 20 minutes on my beach bike around the neighborhood! I think I will take my glass of wine and recline on the couch and watch TV and think about it.

Full Moon Madness?

When I really do think I have seen it all in the motel business, my naivete gets kicked up a notch. We keep a trash can size container full of clean rags in our laundry room to be used for cleaning and we are especially proud of our quality of linens. When a towel or bath mat doesn't meet my standards, they are put into the bin for cleaning. The linens must be good, because theft is a constant problem.

Today, our housekeeper Nadia pulled out her supply of rags to use and under a layer on top, found a gift. Not a pleasant one. Someone had apparently sat on the trash can and taken a big, fat old - how do I put it nicely - crap! And, I think I know who did it! The guests in the room next to the laundry room were, to put it kindly, a bit odd. The man was living on a boat and picked up the woman who hangs out at the city marina (according to him) and he said that he thought she was homeless. So, he brought her for a night of TV and air-conditioning (sure) just to be kind. Other than being very talkative, he seemed clean enough and had money to pay for the room. Of course as the day unfolded, he must have come to the office 50 times, and got goofier and goofier and probably higher and higher. He decided to stay another night but his credit card wouldn't work and he didn't have enough cash, yet he called for cabs to go to the store which was a short walk away, and called me at the front desk to order him a pizza (no I do not make food orders, sir). And, when I walked numerous times to the laundry room, his "friend" was sitting outside in nothing but her towel. She was actually a sweet woman, who had no teeth and according to her, no sight in one eye from a motorcycle accident, but she had obviously been a real beauty at one time who had lived a bit of a "hard" life. She asked me if she was "dressed" OK to sit outside and have a cigarette. I just said, if we get any complaints, I will let you know. She looked better in one of my nice towels than lots of the people I see in bathing suits at our pool!

Anyway, the next day when they were scheduled to check-out, someone found their key on the nearby Wendy's driveway and their room screen was pushed out of the bathroom but their personal items were left in the room. It was a mystery. We bagged the personal effects, cleaned and locked the room and they have not yet come to pick up their possessions. As for the surprise in the laundry bin, my suspicion is that they came back to use the room it was locked. The laundry room is open during the day although personnel are in and out.

Whether the present was a hostile gift or just the result of nature calling, I guess I will never know. What I do know, is that there is no limit to the kookiness of the human being and that there is always something new to tell about in my blog.

What I Think is Funny

Tonight I attended a Chamber of Commerce event - a "Business Showcase" - now that I am corporate I like to see what is going on in the world of commerce. HA! I really like the food and unlimited wine for $10. But, I did win a snorkel trip for two which I am saving for the next guests we have, so "COME ON DOWN"! But my real chuckle came as we were leaving when we walked out with "Capt. Ken" and he was bragging that all he ate was a 1/2 of a cookie. I asked why, considering there was a seafood buffet, and he said, "because I recently lost 52#." Since he was obviously proud, I asked "wow, how did you do that" and his wife quickly piped up "he got sick." She and I really enjoyed that laugh!

Keys Disease

In the Florida Keys, the expression "Keys Disease" is a description of the phenomenon that overtakes people down here, where they lose all motivation and spend their time fishing and drinking. I think work does get done, to support those aforementioned habits. I also think, that there is a certain type of person who wants to escape whatever in their life they don't like and where better than the most southern part of the U.S. You just cannot imagine the saturation of characters and oddballs down here. For example, I have never gone to a grocery store in this country where I would say "Hi" to someone with a grey ponytail down to his waist and no shoes. When I looked down at his feet, he said "darn, I forgot my shoes at the bowling alley." The "no shoes, no shirt, no service" doesn't apply here. Harry calls a clean t-shirt and shorts a tuxedo.

So when I picked up today's local newspaper tossed onto our driveway, the front page story that caught my eye made my laugh until I had tears. The headline reads "Keys band drives man to steal freight train." The story is about a 23 year old train enthusiast who snuck into an empty train in Miami, started the engine and drove the train 7 miles south to pull up on the tracks behind the Redland Tavern where his favorite Keys band was playing. When he entered the bar, he announced he had just arrived by train. For those of my readers in the know - he went to see a group called Big Dick and the Extenders. Need I say more? Megan and Matt have seen this charming band perform numerous times and apparently, they are quite talented but their forte is to insult members of the audience between takes. I have been afraid to go myself. I have a feeling Big Dick would have a field day with a middle aged, bleached blond who blushes.

If that story weren't good enough, when I opened the paper to page two, I learned that the Rock Python is the latest threat to south Florida. So far, three of the behemoths have been found in the Everglades and they can reach 20 ft. and 200#. This comes on the tail (no pun intended) of the nuisance Burmese Python which has actually migrated to the Keys. We have trained "Python Patrols" so I feel much more relaxed when I am weeding the tropical jungle that is my front landscape bed. After all, the Burmese Python only eats things like small alligators, so I don't have to worry.

My Mother's Kitchen

I had a wonderful dream last night, full of memory and detail. I was cleaning up my childhood home, preparing it for someone who rented it for 24 hours. I know this dream blends my present life because we have a vacation rental house here in the Keys that I manage and recently I checked out the kitchen to make sure it was adequately equipped during a week with no rental. But when I dream of homes, most often I am not in a house that I have occupied since adulthood, but back in my childhood home. Maybe that is because I have lived in so many homes since graduating college, that I haven't been able to form a real attachment to any.

I grew up in a post WWII development, called Kirkmere. My parents built a home in Poland, Ohio but saw this new development, near the city of Youngstown's wonderful WPA enhanced metropolitan park called Mill Creek, and for some reason decided to build there before moving in to the other home. The story has it, that my mother stuck her finger down on the plot map without looking and selected our lot, which was right across from the park and a sensational place to grow up. As children, we were free to roam and hike and play all day without supervision in miles and miles of nature with streams, waterfalls, lakes, glacial outcrops, nature trails, playgrounds, etc. Growing up in the 50's was not bad! I do not remember being anxious about strangers, perverts, pedophiles, kidnappers or the like - although there were a few strange incidents like the ski mask wearing marauder who jumped out when my sister and I were playing golf at the course in Mill Creek - wearing nothing else, or the man who used to expose himself to kids but always so far away out of our vision we thought he was playing with his car keys so it really didn't induce much trauma except to our mothers.

The house itself was not big by today's standards. There were six of us in a three bedroom, one bath home, with an extra toilet and creepy shower in the basement. It was the norm among my friends, and maybe even bigger than many in my circle.

But the dream that I had was about the kitchen. In my dream I was trying to make the kitchen look nice for the incoming renters. I think my entire adult life I have been compensating my own kitchen for what my mother's lacked. There were several things that drove me crazy as I got older. The drawer full of mismatched silver and stainless flatware was one. It was hard to set the little kitchen table we crowded around for nightly dinners (company and Sunday was in the dining room) and have a matching setting. And the dishes were the same. There was a collection of dishes and even later, when we grew up and gave my parents dishes, somehow others who didn't match found their way into that cupboard to present themselves when opened. Dining room dishes and flatware were different than everyday. They matched and looked presentable. But the kitchen was a mess of plastic, china, melamine and corning ware. I even remember a set of aluminum glasses in awesome colors but drinking from them was a strange experience of first tasting metal, than your beverage. And lastly, there was never a pen, or piece of paper handy if you needed to write a note. You would search high and low for any little scrap. I have made it my mission to always have a huge supply of pads of paper and more pens than I can use up in the rest of my lifetime to never have the stress of searching for something to write on or with. And, I will never (well, as long as I have cognitive skills left) have unmatched dishes or utensils. In fact, I have become a crusader for the cause and own more dishes than I have friends and family. I could host a neighborhood buffet.

I realize that my parents raised and sent four children to college on an average income. We always had a yearly vacation. We were dressed adequately. I don't remember feeling deprived. But for some reason, the lasting memory of the kitchen is one that has permeated my memory and dreams. In fact, I can still see into that silverware drawer, with a red plastic organizer and see the mess that greeted me.

The Eyes Have It

I know what "stink eye", "eyeing someone", the "evil eye", the Italian "malocchio", and "eyeballing" are. But, what do you call someone who has one eye focused on you and the other looking yonder? For some reason, I have met four people in the past two weeks with this condition and it has me unnerved! I just cannot figure out where to look when I talk to them. When I look at one eye, the other moves and I have to shift my look to that one. To the other person, I must look like I am watching a tennis match. Looking someone in the eye can be, at times challenging when both eyes focus forward. I never understood why, but there are some people who I find hard to look at when talking. I cannot get comfortable with which eye to look at so have to sort of dart back and forth. But this latest dilemma has reminded me of that character in Monty Python movies and I feel like I might get motion sickness trying to be polite.

Buena Suerte to the Giron family

There is a big hole in the staff of the Sea Dell and no one will be able to fill it. Lacey, our manager, and her husband Marvin, our all-around Mr. Fix-It, leave for Guatemala tomorrow. Marvin has been living in the U.S. for nine years as an illegal alien and he is going home to have his immigration hearing and get his green card. The lawyers say that it should happen in about six months, and we are hoping sooner. The positives: Marvin has not seen his family in nine years. If he went home before, he couldn't return. And, now he won't have to look over his shoulder and worry that he will be picked up and sent back without so much as a goodbye. The negatives: leaving family, home and jobs for an indefinite period of time and worrying about the outcome of the hearing.

Lacey and Marvin met on the beach one New Year's Eve. Neither was looking to meet someone, but that chance meeting changed their lives. Marvin didn't want to leave Lacey to return to Guatemala and making a living for both of them was much easier here. They eventually got married, and kept it a secret for a long time. They are a terrific couple! Hard working, conscientious, reliable, honest, caring and smart. It was easy to be happy about their union. Last year they added Brianna to their family and turned out to be wonderful parents also.

I am very proud of Harry for helping Lacey and Marvin obtain a lawyer and begin the legalization process. His encouragement and support and interactions with the lawyers were, in my opinion, what got them this close to having a real future, free of worry, with an open door to opportunity and success. Marvin contributes to our society, and enhances it, by being a kind, loving and responsible father, husband, friend and citizen. What possible reason can there be for keeping him out?

Customer Service - HA!

Is anyone else out there going as bonkers, nuts, crazy and is emotionally drained as I am over the amount of time spent on "customer service" or most accurately, lack of?? I know there are exceptions and some companies are right on target helpful, etc. but getting to that one person who can solve your problem is an exercise in whether you will give up or have a seizure first. First you are encouraged to try a support "portal" on the Internet and wait for a resolution for your issue. And, after no response for several days, you try again which means you are requesting support about your support request. Then, you get a response that you need to call customer service, whereupon calling, you are put on hold "due to blah, blah increased call volume." Then, after talking to someone in India who you cannot understand even though his English is more perfect than yours, and giving him every conceivable account number, email address and other information you can think of including your first grade school name, you are informed that you need to call technical service and he will transfer you. And then, you get the Muzak blaring in your ear while you wait for that elusive person who is going to solve your very minor but very annoying problem that like so many others, seems to take up so very much time in your life. And, so here I am, on hold AND able to write this whole blog during that time...

ADDENDUM 8/26 - After waiting on phone 54 minutes, I had to start over. Since Sammy sensed I was about to crawl through the phone, he wrested it from my semi-permanently curved fingers and politely handled the rest of the transaction. This time, the new Indian representative did his job, resolved the problem and I asked to speak to his supervisor and praised him for 5 star service.

An Attempt at Putting my Expensive Education to Use

An Attempt at Putting my Expensive Education to Use

Posted using ShareThis

Kelleys Island

I am Grammy Care or Aunty Care to these four sensational kids. Gianna and Dom are my great niece and nephew and Jack and Ruby Kate are my grand kids. I spent last week with them on Kelleys Island in Lake Erie. I like my role. I like to have little kids soft pudgy hands to hold. I like when they climb on my lap and I can smell their summer warm sweaty hair smell. I like to have them telling me the important things in their world. I like how clear their eyes are. I like how they are uninhibited and can dance around with joy and abandon. I like to be goofy with them. Kids are just the best.

My grandson Jack and my son, Matt, picked me up at the Detroit airport. I thought they were outside in the car and I stepped off the escalator and marched forward to baggage so that I could get outside. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little kid streak across the floor, screech to a stop in front of me and when I looked down it was Jack. I was so surprised and delighted that when I bent down with all my carry-ons dangling to give him a hug we toppled over onto the floor. Matt said we delighted the surrounding people who "aahed" over the scene.

We toured the Henry Ford museum in Detroit as our first stop and that evening met with my girlfriend Peg from Cleveland who was visiting family in Toledo for pizza with her brother and his family. The next day Megan, grand kids and I headed to Kelleys Island. Once across on the ferry, it was goodbye routine and hello vacation. No cable TV. No Internet. Limited cell service. A very nice house that we shared with my brother Tom, my sister Suzanne from DC, my two nieces Erin and Trish and Erin's kids. Later in the week Matt and Erin's husband Dave were able to get off work to join us. My sister Mary Beth and her husband Tom also visited for a day.

The week was relaxing and I found myself getting mellower as the days went by. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a restless nature and am not a great "sitter". I found I enjoyed the simplest of activities! Playing Scattergories, making S'mores, picking wildflowers with the kids, taking walks, boating, laying in the hammock (always with three or four little bodies climbing in also), fishing, riding a golf cart around the island and, at night, watching the Perseid meteors in the most clear sky (and being able to see the Milky Way). But, most of all, just being with family and people you love and care about and catching up.

Highlights of the week: Ruby Kate had a stomach bug which got to three of the four kids. It didn't seem to cramp their style, but there were some "accidents" from both ends causing excitement (especially when on the boat out on Lake Erie). Dom, who is a year younger than the other two four year olds struggled to keep up with the big kids and he and Jack in particular had the testosterone going. No one could ever be "second", "slower", or have a toy that the other didn't want. Dom was talking in his sleep and his mom heard him say "Jack, don't take my truck." Wish my bad dreams were so simple! Jack walked in to the house and smelled Erin's delicious dinner cooking and said "That is the taste of my life." He and Dom would get into a spat, and Dom would start to cry and then Jack would crumble and cry. He can be bossy and tough one minute and sugar sweet and sensitive the next. When I said goodbye to him the day I left, he stopped what he was doing, looked up with tears welling in his eyes and said, "I am going to miss you." And if anyone thinks boys and girls are not different from day one, they are crazy! Dom and Jack could occupy themselves by throwing rocks, or on the boat with their pet fish - which were really dead minnows used for bait - by naming them, holding them, kissing them. Ugh. Gianna would not be interested in a dead fish. In fact, Gianna, as I have learned, is a real princess. Not the type you are thinking - she is the Disney type. Because her Grammy told her. She twirls and primps and dances and poses and is as girly as imaginable. And, considering how sweet and beautiful she is, maybe she really is a princess. I wouldn't be surprised if a movie comes out soon starring her. And lastly, but definitely not least, was little Ruby walking around like a drunken sailor looking, as Erin said "so darn cute." She has two upper "chicklet" teeth, as Megan calls them, which are wide apart and when she smiles, she wrinkles her nose up and gives you a smile that lights up the world. I nicknamed her "Alfie" for Alfred E. Newman but she is definitely one adorable little girl. She made Aunt Suzanne guffaw by sticking half her finger in her nose. She tried to put her toe in one day also. She is so happy and just always toddling around, observing the chaos.

Spending time with my beautiful nieces and daughter-in-law, my siblings, my son and nephew-in-law rounded up the week. Thanks to all for the great time, memories, laughs, listening and company. I love you all.

I'm All Ears

One of my biggest pet peeves is about the art of conversation. In my opinion, and I hope my actions, I believe conversation is about give and take. One person talks and one person listens and then there is the lovely dance of back and forth. With some people, it feels incredibly difficult, as though there is no commonality and the conversation is strained and superficial. And then, there are those blessed conversations that are easy, comfortable and fulfilling. You feel like you leave the conversation with some sense of valued self worth and a refreshingly good feeling about the other person from their end of the discourse.

But as I have gotten older, I feel more and more aware that there are people who just want to talk, but not listen. I keep wondering if it is age related, or if it was always as evident but I lost tolerance. My blog tonight is leaving me feeling like I am not experiencing a good conversation, because I want to know how others feel about this topic, and I do not hear any response. Wow, maybe blogging is totally selfish and self absorbed and I am like the people I don't like!!

Washington DC trip

We had a wonderful visit in Washington this past weekend with three of the five grandkids. So, in the past two weeks, I got to see them all!

We stayed with my sister Suzanne and brother-in-law Fritz. Some people are great hosts and some houses great destinations, and they have it all. In fact, I have stayed over the years with them so often that I feel quite at home in my cozy front bedroom. They own a Sear's house in "lower" Chevy Chase (the non-snobby, slightly overgrown and decadently luxurious part) in NW Washington. A Sear's house was one that was ordered from a catalogue and delivered with every piece and part to be assembled on site. The house has the charm of old and the conveniences of the remodeling they have done. Fritz's backyard waterfall is the cherry on the sundae. We really enjoyed spending time with them.

Harry's ex-wife, Susan organized grandkids' Daniel and Stephanie's visit from Brazil. Jezebel, Matt and their baby Jenavieve came from Albuquerque. Jezebel's sister Lexie came down from NYC and Susan's partner, Steve, rounded out the group. We even got to visit with cousin Judy Caplan, her husband Dean and her terrific kids, Anna and Aaron.

Our first full day was spent doing the tourist thing and we had a great time seeing the Lincoln Memorial, the Vietnam Memorial (still brings me to tears), the new WWII Memorial (did not impress me), the White House, National Monument and having lunch in the Old Ebbit Grille. We ran up to the top of the Washington Hotel also which looks into the White House windows but I didn't see Obama since he was talking to the Pope.

Next day was a visit to Mt. Vernon and Alexandria. I was especially happy to see the tree under which Doug Urich's (my son Matt's dad) ashes were scattered looking healthy and vibrant overlooking the bucolic scene of the Potomac River. In fact, a bald eagle decided to fly over while viewing the tree making me wonder a bit about reincarnation...

We finished the day in Alexandria at the Chart House restaurant having famous Chesapeke Crab Cakes. Alexandria is quintessential brick, Georgian, old and quaint. Reminded me of Miami U., my Alma mater (and half my family's).

Our final day was a rush downtown to Union Station for a last visit with the kids. And, what great kids they are! Daniel and Stephanie are sweet, lovely teenagers. Kudos to Monica, their mom, who is also beautiful and sweet inside and out. No grotesque piercings or tattoos (that I could see), or rebellious attitudes. They seemed happy to be with family and both can understand English very well, with Daniel speaking more easily and being a very protective big brother to his beautiful little sister. A great surprise was Daniel telling us he wants to come to the US for college in a year and a half and we couldn't be more excited. Jenavieve, the youngest grandchild, is six months, and perhaps the most easy baby I have been around in a while. What a trooper - she was dangling from her perch in her Baby Born and not a complaint. And the ready smiles! Wow. She reminds me so much of her Uncle Sam as a baby. Looks just like him from the mouth up. Smile and chin are her handsome Dad's. I got lots of cuddle time.

Susan and Steve were great organizers and company and how lucky are we to be able to spend time as a large, extended family! I heard the comment from both Harry and Susan - that losing Douglas let us gain two fantastic grandchildren. The barriers that were created out of his mental illness are down, and we can all just get to know each other and move forward in relationships. Just wish he could have been a part of the scene.

Three Strikes You're Out

I just returned yesterday from my visit "up north" to attend Ruby Kate's first birthday. It was a very busy, and emotional visit. The first half, with Matt, Megan, Jack and Ruby was just fun. I helped Megan with the party, and the next day we headed up to Marblehead on Lake Erie to Megan's family's place. There was the usual large group of family and neighbors to visit with and we also took the boat over to Kelley's Island for dinner. The second half of the trip to Cleveland was a whirlwind of trying to visit friends and I was able to get in a golf game with my sister. But there were a lot of emotional issues to deal with. Friends seem to be various stages of difficulties, whether physical or mental health wise. What is going on? The sun needs to get in the seventh house and Jupiter needs to align with Mars. Pronto! I stayed at my friend Peggy's house, and that was just plain enjoyable and she kept me bolstered up during the visit. Thank you Maggie.

Today was a back to work day and we walked in the motel at 8 to find the back office window open - and then it occured to us to look at the cash box. Sure enough, for the third time in maybe a month, we were wiped out. This time wasn't so bad as there had been a drop to the safe last night - only several hundred missing. But, this is adding up! Add to that the expense of installing four security cameras after the last such robbery. We backtracked the tapes to 3:24 am and there was the culprit - but unfortunately they must have known exactly what to do as they were dressed in a bulky coat, gloves, hat and "dew rag" to hide hair. And, they knew where the cameras were to avoid looking at it. Drat! Sam has put it on tape so we can study it a bit. Police were called, report given, locks changed (again) and this time, we fired an employee!

I think the fact that her (the employee's) boyfriend is on parole for theft (of her daughter's jewelry!) may have made us uncomfortable. Or the fact that she has been having visitors at work in the back office during her evening shift according to other staff that have happened to stop by. Or that her boyfriend's friends were the ones who trashed a room we gave them at a discount and he didn't compensate us and later we found out that they were just out of jail and having a crack and ho party. Or that last month she went over the phone allowance for her cell phone provided by us for late night check-ins by $187. That's it. Three strikes, you are out.

I liked Yvette. And, as my brother's friend Beaver says, "just because you're a loser doesn't make you a bad person." But she needs to do some serious looking at her world.

Oh, yeah, when I got the cell phone back from her before she left the premises, she forgot to delete a saved voicemail from her probation officer. DUH! I think background checks on new hires are the rule of thumb from now on.

Dentists

While loading some of the 22 rooms of laundry just now into one of our motel's magnificent front loaders, I started wondering how, 100 years ago, they did the laundry at hotels. Did they have a sweatshop of Chinamen scrubbing linens on rocks near a local stream? And that led me to marveling at all of the incredible inventions that are available to make so much of our lives phenomenally easy. Just typing this blog, having a spellcheck performed and launching it out for my friends and family to instantly stay in touch with my ramblings is beyond belief!

And that led me into the thoughts about dentistry. I cannot imagine there are many people out of the six billion in the world (well, unlikely that many have even the access to dentistry which is another topic) that actually do not mind the experience? I think of my life as six month increments between my checkups. Then, there is a certain amount of anxiety once I get my reminder card as to whether I will get a clean check-up. And, any little discomfort eating a caramel, or having a sinus headache, or in my case, somehow getting tin foil in my old fillings (ouch) makes a nagging worry appear in my brain. I am incredibly pain tolerant. I had 22 hours of active Pitocin induced nightmare labor with my first child with no pain medication, and didn't once swear at his father, so I should be able to manage a little "pinch" as they say, of Novocaine.

But, in reality, it is the noises in my head while he grinding my enamel to sawdust, and the smell of it, that really gets my hands sweating. I think it is being out of control and lying prone while there are fingers and cotton shoved in my mouth. I must fear I will not be able to talk!!

The real blame falls on my parents. Going to see Dr. Backus, the sadist, as a child was beyond description. Waiting in the office waiting room, yawning and stretching to oxygenate while nearly hyperventilating started the visit. Dr. Backus did not use Novocaine. Why, I do not know. Too modern for him? Too expensive for my parent's budget? And, on top of the lack of analgesic, he had the nerve to yell at us if we squirmed too much! Maybe my memory is distorted, but I have verified this with my siblings and he was definitely a torture expert. Maybe I got yelled at because I tried to punch him in the closest part of his anatomy to my fist, which would be painful to him as he bent over me, but I do not think so. And, after all of his so-called education, he was willing to give us a paper spit cup with mercury in it if we behaved? Didn't he know we took it home, spilled it on the hardwood bedroom floor and tried to pick up the million little balls it blasted into. And then rubbed our eyes. With mercury covered hands. All I know is that I have been scarred. And not just by the mercury which I can perhaps use an excuse for any behaviour I am now embarrassed by. I just want modern medical science to catch up with my laundry equipment.

Germans (cont.)

In keeping with my thought processes regarding Germany and the Holocaust, I rented a movie that was recommended some time ago to me by Sam's friend, Susan. Harry and I watched "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" last night. Although I do not want to give details of the movie in case anyone wants to rent it (highly suggested), I do want to say that it was a very finely made movie with more thought provoking material than I have seen in some time. And, it certainly gave me fodder to believe that perhaps many Germans (and I hope Americans) really did not know exactly what was happening to the Jews. Maybe I want to believe that since I tend to be a "look on the bright side to the point of annoying" person. I certainly spend a great deal of time wondering and thinking about how such a thing could happen. Yet, America moved tens of thousands of Japanese Americans to camps in our own country and if we believed whatever propaganda was presented, anything could have happened right here on our soil without our knowledge. I am struggling with complacency, not just on a global scale, but my own.

I guana tell you a story...

Remember the scene in "Caddyshack" where everyone flees the swimming pool in hysteria when they mistake a floating Baby Ruth candy bar for doo doo? Well, we had a reenactment at the Sea Dell. Actually, three reenactments over the past few weeks when guests approached me with looks of subdued disgust and mentioned in low tones that there seemed to be, uh hum, "poop" in the pool.

After prolific apologies, I took a net and scooped out the questionable guano and reassured the guest that it was not human, but appeared to be an animal's and that we were profusely sorry. I made a note to staff to inspect the pool every AM. And, yet, it happened twice again, which puzzled all of us, since we were inspecting the pool every morning. I kept watching for some gigantic heron or pelican, thinking they were dropping gifts from above.

But, today we got our answer. A family of three guests were swimming merrily in the pool, when a huge iguana climbed under the gate from nearby landscaping and took a swim with them. In fact, instead of the normal fear of humans, he appeared to be annoyed that someone was in "his" pool. Then, he proceeded to go to the edge of the pool to climb out and left us a gift! Question answered, but problem not solved. Now, how to catch the pooping pest??

Germans

I heard a story today that I cannot get out of my mind. Harry was talking to a "local" in Marathon (where our motel is) and the gentleman told him about his landlord who is a resident and who was a child during WWII. This man is a guest speaker who shares his experience during the Holocaust. When he was a preteen living in Budapest, the Germans invaded and he remembers his father gathering the family together and being told that they could drink a solution that would put them to sleep. It was poison. This man chose to take his chances so his family took him to a local Catholic Church in the hope of protecting him. The Nazis eventually entered the church and when the head nun tried to prevent them from interfering with the children, she was machine gunned down. The Nazis told the male children to drop their pants and those that were circumcised were tied together with wire and led to the edge of the local river, which was frozen. The children were machine gunned. This man was the only survivor and because he was covered with blood from the others, was left on the ice for dead. He awoke a few days later, very ill, at a Red Cross station. Eventually the Russians invaded Budapest and he was able to escape and survive. I do not know the other details of his family.

These stories are certainly out of our realm of reality. But, as we know, they were common.

We have numerous German guests at our motel. I have had to address my prejudices and feelings on numerous occasions. If a German male is abrupt and sharp in our interactions, I bristle. Last week a family with two teenage boys were guests and I was helping one of the boys figure out an electrical converter. He was a sweet boy, but I couldn't help myself from thinking that a couple generations ago, he could have been a naive teenage Aryan guard in the German Army ordered to send thousands of people to their deaths in a gas chamber. I was shocked at my thought process!

Maybe I am more aware of these feelings because my husband is Jewish, or because my father fought in WWII. I know that no one today is responsible for the sins of their fathers but in my gut, if I am really honest with myself, I still feel a slight discomfort when a guest speaks with a German accent or announces where he is visiting from. I wonder if they feel a discomfort also? If I were less of a WASP, and more like my husband, I would probably ask them! But, I behave politely and graciously while harboring my ugly thoughts! I know that time will erase all of these negative vibes, and my kids most likely do not even have the same feelings associated with a people like I do. What I do hope for our country, is that we never forget and casually slip back into our typical American complacency. How did we not know what was happening in Europe, and how did we not care?

Down in the Valley

We were in LA this past weekend, to visit Doris, my mother-in-law. She lives in Encino, in the San Fernando Valley, in Los Angeles. They were experiencing what locals call "June Gloom." It wasn't particularly warm, with cloudy, rainy mornings which clear up by noon.

LA has a wonderful growing climate, with abundant sunshine and mild winters. Roses are abundant and are everywhere and I always have had serious LA rose envy. In Cleveland, I would fuss, spray, feed, and prune every year and then winter in Pepper Pike would slam us and they would die back and have to start all over in the spring. By August, half the leaves would yellow and fall off from a condition called mildew. My plants would finish the growing season looking worse than they started. I would go out to LA and covet my father-in-law's tea roses that were stately, five feet tall and covered with long stems holding up the most perfect huge blossoms.

The visit was different, without my father-in-law Sidney there, but we enjoyed visiting with Doris , taking her out to her favorite restaurants, and catching up on family news. We worked in the yard, ran errands to Home Depot, made small repairs and felt satisfied taking care of the plants that Sidney so loved in his garden and making Doris's environment safe and more enjoyable. She did a remarkable job taking care of Sidney, and we appreciate her. And, she is just an enjoyable person to be around.

"Fish On"

I spent four days last week dolphin fishing. Don't worry, they aren't the Flipper species; they are the Mahi-Mahi or Dorado variety that are more beautiful then you can imagine, with irridescent greens and blues that are actually lit up in the clear, blue Gulf stream. They are a prolific growing fish, so there is no fear of depleting the species - and, they are delicious! They hit the bait aggresively, jump and fight like crazy and when you bring one to the boat, the school often follows so you can cast with light rods and bait and continue the action. When you are trolling along, and the rod bends and the drag screams, and you hear someone yell "fish on", then it gets exciting. With multiple hook-ups and people all over the back of the boat trying to keep lines uncrossed, it can really be chaos. And, in the slow times, there is nothing like being out on the gorgeous ocean which is always full of surprises. Even the slowest fishing day is an escape from worries and a contemplative experience.

My fishing buddies were my son, Capt. Matt, my brother, Tom, and Rune and Johnny -two former fishing clients of Matt's who flew over from their home in Norway. Poor Rune suffers from seasickness, yet it didn't deter him from fishing every day, green to the gills or not. They brought us bottles of Aquavit - a liquor that is drunk in Norway to accompany rich meals and aid in digestion. HOOWEEE, firewater! I really enjoyed the company, the jokes, the laughs, the philosophizing, the political debates, everything. Good times.

Caplan Valdez Oil Spill

Harry was fueling the boat for our upcoming fishing visit from Matt and Tom Nord. Oops, an empty container went into the canal, and the tide was coming in so strong, it was soon down at the end. Sam jumped in to the rescue. It was a LONG swim back against the tide. Yea Sam.

The Trifecta

Yesterday was one of those days where the surprises don't stop. They say bad luck comes in threes - I wonder why that expression was ever created? I started a web search but gave up when I realized I was wasting my time. As I am, writing my blog?

I work at the motel on Wednesdays. We got in at 8 and I proceeded to do "opening up" tasks, including counting the cash box. Immediately, I noticed that two $100 cash deposits were missing - they are paper clipped to receipts and the receipts were there, but no money. This is the second theft in two weeks. The other was exactly the same, but for $300. It means that someone had to unlock the front door sometime between 11 PM and 8 AM, and unlock the cash box. Only staff have keys to the front door. And, after the first theft, we started a double lock system. We have keys hidden outside, but only staff know where. The day before, we learned that a staff's boyfriend (mentioned in a previous blog called The See Hell) had robbed the staff person's daughter of jewelry and was ID'd by the pawn shop owner who bought the jewelry and charges are being pressed. And, that the boyfriend has a history of drug abuse, and has been in jail. Hmmm, doesn't take too much of a rocket science brain to see where this is going. But, when confronted with this information, of course, our staff person fits the description that love is blind. Dilemma - this staff person does an excellent job and we don't want to lose her. But, as I told her, her personal life is bleeding onto her job and hurting us. I have no ability to help her make good choices, or influence her. People do what they want.

Our solution - to install five video cameras and change all locks. I am going to be able to see everything that goes on at the Sea Dell and I think it is going to be very interesting - I might have some juicy blogs in the future!

Number two bad luck came after all the theft drama, when our manager and her husband got their notice that the husband is to be deported to Guatemala to await his citizenship hearing. We tried everything in our power to get him to stay in the States but the government works one way, that's it. Never mind if you have children. You go. Our manager will go with him to wait since they have a baby and do not feel the separation would be good for the family. Once they go, he can NOT come back until the hearing is completed and there is no way to know how long it will take - months to over a year. They have to sublet their house, and we have to find substitutes for the fabulous job they do. I will miss them. Harry was instrumental in finding them an immigration lawyer and he is also a sponsor for one of our housekeepers who just got her citizenship papers last week. Harry likes to talk, but Harry also does.

I would say the after those two pieces of bad news, number three was minor. A scorpion in a guest room. Do not freak - scorpions are common down here and not lethal. Just nasty stings. but in a room is a problem and so good old A&B Exterminating was out early for a treatment. Fortunately the guests took it in stride. Don't get the wrong impression - our place is very clean and still rated #1 out of 16 small properties in Marathon, Fl. on TripAdvisor and we are very proud of that.

Of course considering what REAL bad luck is, this is minor. Everyone is healthy, no one is hungry and we all have shelter. How can we not be appreciative of the wonderful country we live in? People are desperate to come here - so much so, that they say goodbye to family and friends and live in fear of discovery and deportation once they get here. We are extremely naive in our understanding of what other governments are like. For our friend to come here from Guatemala, he had to go through Mexico and pay off the police along the way. If you are a women, rape is common if you are trying to emigrate from Central America through Mexico. Did he know he would meet someone here, and fall in love, and want a better life with her here than he could have where he was born. He is a productive worker, thoughtful and decent husband and loving father. We need people like him here. Let's deport the jerk, who is a citizen, that steals from our cash box.

Let's Lighten it Up!

I visited Jack and Ruby and Matt and Megan in Toledo last week. We went to a Toledo Mudhens game, out to a fantastic dinner at Mancy's with Megan's parents Mike and Sherry, and her sister Kate (thanks "Papa" for your generosity - it was fantastic)! We took Ruby for her first haircut (see above - she cried the whole time). On Saturday, we all drove over to Cleveland for an day of fun with my great niece Gianna, great nephew Dominic and my nieces Erin and Trish, Erin's husband Dave, my brother Tom, sister Mary Beth (Bert) and brother-in-law Tom. We swam at the motel, had a cookout, had lunch out and all in all it was wonderful, chaotic and totally fun.

After a walk in the Metropark the next day, the kids went back to Toledo and I went to Fairlawn with Mary Beth and Tom to see their son (my nephew) Dan, sing with The Ohio State Men's Glee Club. Wow! A fantastic performance and I had to keep fighting off those tears - our little Danny - what a guy! He is a Chemical Engineering student at OSU.

I stayed at my sisters for a couple nights and managed to squeeze in visits with a few friends before heading back home. It was an emotional, fun, tiring visit. What do you say to your grandson when he asks you to buy his house so you can live with them or when he asks to go to your house and it is 1200 miles away? Ouch. And reconnecting with friends is like trying to keep knitting rhythmically when you feel like you have dropped a stitch and need to find it and repair it to continue on with a smooth pattern. I miss my other home. I like my present home. I want to have them both be my home.

Sidney Walter Caplan

My father-in-law died in September of 2008 at the age of 91. His health, memory, eyesight and hearing were declining. It was time.

I miss him. He was an incredibly successful businessman, but he was not grandiose or self important. He lived simply. He gave enormous amounts of money to charity and believed in the optimism that you are responsible for your fellow man and lived that on a daily basis. He did not gossip. He was not particularly effusive, or funny or entertaining. Instead, he was steady, very private and very moral. He did not compliment easily but he also did not judge. If he respected and liked you, you knew it. He lit up. He was proud of being Jewish and enjoyed discussing the bible, religion and politics. He was politically very liberal. He was a patriarch and a mensch.

Harry visited Sidney on a monthly basis. It was expensive, but Harry felt it was his duty and priveledge and he was very grateful for the time he spent with his dad. Often, when I would accompany Harry, we would go to Temple, or I would meet them at the usual Saturday after-Temple lunch spot, Emilios. Sidney would begin a meal with crusty Italian bread, always the well done heels, and slater a mixture of parmesan and olive oil on it. His lunch would often be accompanied by a single bottle of beer. When Sid and Doris's friend, Irv, was alive (he lived until over 100 years), he would join us.

We would discuss the days Torah portion. Many, many times the topic was regarding siblings and jealousy and rivalry. Cain and Abel, Joseph, Jacob, and many more. Those topics are epic in the Bible. I think back and wonder if there was some premonition in the fact that the topic was so often brought up and conversed about.

One of the biggest mistakes Sidney may have ever made as a father was to not appoint someone outside of the family to settle his estate. The kind of ugly stories we have heard about in "other" families has come true for the Caplans. Sidney appointed Harry's sister Eileen as trustee. I asked Doris, Harry's stepmother why Sid made that choice, and she said that it made sense to Sidney, since Eileen was a tax attorney. Unfortunately, it is my opinion, that motivations, personality issues, and old grudges come into play after a parent dies. Is this an aftermath of grief and loss? I don't think so. I think it is plain and simple - about money.

Cousins, siblings, an uncle and aunt, Sidney's secretary, accountants and business partners are all involved in the mess. Sidney's 86 year old brother has been sued by Eileen as trustee regarding business issues. Eileen has been sued by her brother because of misappropriation of money from a charitable trust. Lawyers have been hired. There is so much more.

I like to think that people can sit down and work out their issues in a reasonable manner. But, in this case, it would be like sitting Hitler down and trying to reason with him that his Aryan concepts were wrong. Or trying to tell Bin Laden that Mohamed did not support terrorism. Sometimes, the frustration lies in the reality that there is no reasonable resolution. There is no discussion. People become entrenched in their ideas and beliefs and have such a hard time opening themselves to the other viewpoints, to change, to admitting fault and accepting error. The lessons in the Bible apply across generations and time. But sometimes, humans cannot learn. We are certainly flawed.

I Found This Emusing

A family vacationing in Big Pine Key came in from a day of sailfishing and were skunked (means they didn't catch any fish - they stink). But that didn't mean they didn't catch a prize. While barbecuing dinner outside they saw something they could not identify swimming up the canal. It was an 80 pound Emu! The poor bird was tiring and with the help of the wild bird rescue people in Marathon, they got the bird out of the water and off to the rescue facility where it is now happily munching away at cut up veggies. I would love to know how it got in the canal, and where it came from. You would think you would notice your Emu was missing...

Out of My Funk

Strange word, Funk. When you think of Sly and the Family Stone or George Clinton, you don't think morose or frightened. You think upbeat. What gives?

It doesn't hurt that the weather is spectacularly gorgeous. Clear blue skies. Bright light. Low humidity and cool nights for great sleeping. The waters are turquoise. And, while taking my walk this afternoon, I marveled that a pelican flew by, and that is just normal for here.

I spoke with my brother, Tom, today. He returned to Ohio in time for another snowstorm. Makes me appreciate how easy it is to throw on some shorts and head out the door. No coats, boots, gloves. And, I can putter with my plants anytime, or see what is swimming by in the canal, or just be outside.

Speaking of Tom (aka Tommynerdz) - he and Sam fixed my car! It had a very strange grating noise for over a year. We had taken it to two different mechanics and they didn't know what it was. But, the "boys" decided after Sam's Acura's transmission bit the dust at 70,000 miles, that my transmission needed new fluids - and they replaces any and all. It was an all day job and hark - my noise is gone. Maybe they saved me from a new transmission and a huge expense. I really appreciate what they did.

Tom is always a great house guest. He does his own thing and yet is available when we want company. He is entertaining, and he and Harry really get along. Tom makes me see different sides of things - such as the male side so that I can better understand all the men in my life. Sam and Harry and Tom speak a different language, laugh at things that appall me, and just generally think different. Yet, my brother and I have always gotten along so well. We like to fish. We like nature. We "get" each other. I just plain love him and we miss him.

Random Thoughts

I went to get a pedicure today and was greeted by pictures of "Trunk", the Vietnamese young man I go to, all over the counter with a Buddhist altar around them. My heart sank. I learned that he had been killed several weeks ago in a motorcycle accident.

Trunk was such a delightful 21 year old. He was from Chicago and his family were friends with the owners who opened the shop in Key Largo so he came down to work while figuring out his life and future. He was trying to buy a car and we discussed it at length the last time I saw him, a couple weeks before his death. The irony: he had no credit and couldn't get a loan even though his income was good. And, he died using his only form of transportation available, his bike. That same day he was also quite shook up because one of his friends had died from a car accident. He had gone to say his goodbyes the day before and they had removed life support the morning of my visit. I was so impressed by his story of his difficulty getting credit, that I had related the story to Harry. I really liked this kid, and am very sad at the tragic end to his life.

It is hard work to keep from being dragged under by sadness and tragedy into depression. I think of a bobber floating on the surface of the water, happily riding the swells, sunlight glimmering on it, but then suddenly pulled underwater into the dark by some unseen fish and struggling to reach up to the light again.

Some heartaches never leave. My cousin's daughter Sarah who died at age 17, my son Matt's dad who died when Matt was only 21, my college roommates Marilyn and Peg, childhood friends Gary Bevan and Julie Fox, my numerous miscarriages - these were all untimely deaths that left huge gashes in my heart. Scars did form, but they throb in an ache at times when some memory or event refreshes the hurt.

Al Green said it all in his song "Lean on Me:"

Some times in our lives,
we all have pain,
we all have sorrow.
But, if we are wise,
we know that there's always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when your not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on.
For, it won't be long, 'till I'm gonna need
somebody to lean on.

The See Hell Motel

My brother, Tom, who is visiting us, came up with that name for our motel, the Sea Dell after I walked into a room on Sunday that looked like a crime scene and found these beauties. (Don't worry, they went through our industrial washer with hotel strength bleach two times before I took the latex gloves off). The adage "no good deed goes unpunished" is so true. One of our staff asked if she could have a room for "a friend" for two nights at a discount so we said sure. Well, the "friend" was really a friend of her boyfriend who is 16 years younger than her and I would suspect, hanging with the wrong crowd? There were broken bottles, trash everywhere, the requisite empty liqueur and beer bottles, cigarette butts, and the crack pipe residue. I told you I was becoming a crack expert! And not the kind I see at the swimming pool. The cigarette burns through the bedding made me hit the roof - there goes several hundred dollars. And, we are non-smoking so clean up means the room is out of order for a few days.

Well, we (Harry) is kind (I was ready to start salary deductions) and are requesting that the boyfriend go after his friend to recover our losses. But, it didn't hurt to hold over his head that we have the fire extinguisher he pulled out with his finger prints on it and the crack residue in case we have to call in the authorities. Our staff member was terrified she would lose her job. I just remember what my father-in-law always said - "if you lie with dogs, you can get fleas" and hope that she has a bit of a wake up from this, because we like her, and so do our guests.