Keys Disease

In the Florida Keys, the expression "Keys Disease" is a description of the phenomenon that overtakes people down here, where they lose all motivation and spend their time fishing and drinking. I think work does get done, to support those aforementioned habits. I also think, that there is a certain type of person who wants to escape whatever in their life they don't like and where better than the most southern part of the U.S. You just cannot imagine the saturation of characters and oddballs down here. For example, I have never gone to a grocery store in this country where I would say "Hi" to someone with a grey ponytail down to his waist and no shoes. When I looked down at his feet, he said "darn, I forgot my shoes at the bowling alley." The "no shoes, no shirt, no service" doesn't apply here. Harry calls a clean t-shirt and shorts a tuxedo.

So when I picked up today's local newspaper tossed onto our driveway, the front page story that caught my eye made my laugh until I had tears. The headline reads "Keys band drives man to steal freight train." The story is about a 23 year old train enthusiast who snuck into an empty train in Miami, started the engine and drove the train 7 miles south to pull up on the tracks behind the Redland Tavern where his favorite Keys band was playing. When he entered the bar, he announced he had just arrived by train. For those of my readers in the know - he went to see a group called Big Dick and the Extenders. Need I say more? Megan and Matt have seen this charming band perform numerous times and apparently, they are quite talented but their forte is to insult members of the audience between takes. I have been afraid to go myself. I have a feeling Big Dick would have a field day with a middle aged, bleached blond who blushes.

If that story weren't good enough, when I opened the paper to page two, I learned that the Rock Python is the latest threat to south Florida. So far, three of the behemoths have been found in the Everglades and they can reach 20 ft. and 200#. This comes on the tail (no pun intended) of the nuisance Burmese Python which has actually migrated to the Keys. We have trained "Python Patrols" so I feel much more relaxed when I am weeding the tropical jungle that is my front landscape bed. After all, the Burmese Python only eats things like small alligators, so I don't have to worry.