Grey Christmases

The title "Grey Christmases" does not refer to the weather in Northeastern Ohio where I grew up, but to my mother's family, the Greys, with whom I have spent every Christmas Day save three that I recall: when I was 18 and left home alone with a stomach virus, when I brought my youngest son Sammy home from the hospital and last year when I was a martyr and worked.

The Greys are Welsh and loud and fun. I grew up with a number of cousins my age and we have remained close and loving. Our parents, aunts and uncles all had beautiful dark red hair and none of us sports that particular shade, although there are a few strawberry blonds in the mix.

Several years ago, my Aunt Betty (my mother's twin sister) received, from her brother Ted, a special gift on Thanksgiving. It was a potato from his garden, that looked like a turkey. We got many laughs from the gift. At Christmas, it showed up in our White Elephant gift exchange dressed as above, the Christmas potato. My 50th birthday fell near Easter that year, and sure enough, my cousin Mary gifted it to me, dressed as the Easter Bunny. And, then, the next Christmas, it made it's final appearance in the White Elephant gift exchange again, this time as an angel. It was so desiccated and scary looking by that time, it needed to retire to heaven. Recalling the potato this Christmas, we did have some memory of it wearing a bikini, and perhaps it did make an appearance at the annual Beach Haven, New Jersey cousin's shore vacation.

The White Elephant gift exchange was started by my mother. It was a bit of a hard sell that first year, but quickly caught on and has been an annual event for perhaps 25 or more years. The idea is to find your best white elephant and put it in the exchange. Each participant draws a number with #1 being the best because after all gifts are opened, #1 can steal any other gift and the event ends. Stealing gifts is a big part of the fun. When it is your turn, you can take someone elses gift and they in turn can steal or open a new present. This year, the premier fought after items were a skunk fur cap with a moving tail and a Poo-pet (don't ask). Over the years, there have been items that reappear ever so often, like the gi-normous underpants, the size 50DDDDDDDDDD bra that Aunt Mary obtained when she worked in foundations in Stone & Thomas Dept. store, a muumuu that my husband modeled, a used and happily discarded maternity bathing suit, adult size footed pjs, and many more silly items. Some choice antiques and collectibles have also appeared and then the stealing gets serious! I am reminded, with some guilt, that I put my great grandfather's large oval framed picture in the exchange after being designated its recipient when my Aunt Betty died. But you would have to see his face to understand. Frightening! I know Aunt Betty would forgive me; she loved her nieces and nephews that much.

With 20 to 30 persons in one room, hooting and hollering, the din gets quite significant. Being a new member of this family must be daunting. Aunt Betty, who was left the matriarch after her siblings were gone, would put people "on probation" if they misbehaved, or even if they didn't and she was feeling ornry (which was often). One family member by marriage in particular was constantly on probation and there was even a protest one year with placards being carried through the living room saying "FREE STEVE."

When Christmas Day is coming to an end, when my sister Mary Beth's mulled wine is consumed, when we have finished appetizers and dinner and cookies and always sundaes with chocolate sauce made from Aunt Dolly's recipe, I feel the incredible holiday warmth and glow that comes after a day of catching up with loved ones. Grey Christmases are not gloomy at all.

I Married This Guy!

In case you didn't notice, the lens in the right side of Harry's glasses is half gone. Why this is significant is not because it is to correct his new cataract-free vision, but because he walked in this way after grinding his glasses to create a solution for his new adjusted eyesight. When the cartoon character Jessica in Who Framed Roger Rabbit was asked why she married Roger, she said "because he makes me laugh." I am Jessica (sans the looks).

My kids believe I married Harry because he adds excitement to my life and I have to admit, honestly, that I am a restless soul and so he does fill the bill. When I first met him, for our first date he picked me up in a car that had oil well equipment on the back seat, because he was drilling wells in Ohio. That did seem a bit out of the ordinary to me. When I first saw his house, I was amazed at the project he undertook. Not a simple remodel. He built most of our first house, which included an indoor swimming pool and pottery room for hobbies. The pottery room was an example of his creative mind. He found the kiln and equipment at a garage sale, and the classes and room followed. He saw a parrot and the next thing I knew, we owned macaws and parrots and even bred them. The cage was a spectacular open air affair that of course, he built. He wanted to fly. Well, he learned and we did. He had a series of different planes and there were a series of trips that ensued. The experiences are fairly endless, and I could go on and on, but the point is, this is a very interesting man who NEVER sees something as impossible. I just go along for the ride.

He has continued to be one of the most interesting, exciting, funny, impulsive, entertaining and annoying people I have ever met. He is generous and kind which counteracts his bluntness and sometimes rudeness. If he likes you, then you will benefit because he has helped many people; whether it is to get a start in a business, a job or just a helping hand. The Masons invited him to a meeting and later to join their organization after he was observed helping a fellow shopper deal with a difficult load in a Home Depot shopping lot. He talks to everyone. Someone once said he probably talks to statues in the park. He makes people laugh, or he offends them. Depends on the recipient and their willingness to engage with a stranger in banter or political views. He makes connections wherever he goes. And, he is unbelievable bright. Not just intelligence, but in a very creative way. I think of him as a small scale Donald Trump with better hair.

What would the last 25 years of my life have been like without Harry? Well, I am sure it would have been a smoother path to travel. There have definitely been some potholes along the way, and some have been pretty deep. But I would have missed the slow climb up the roller coaster and then the wild free fall down at breakneck speed. That adrenaline rush has made it, in the words of my father-in-law, quite a ride!

Watch Your Thoughts

I am a long time fan of police blotter news. The local paper for Chagrin Falls, Ohio that we used to subscribe to had a story one time about a police responding to a call regarding house plants that seemed to be changing locations at night in an office building lobby. I found this little gem of a story in the Marathon, Fl. newspaper.

"A Marathon man is under arrest for attacking another man with a large knife. The 50 year old victim told Deputy Bradford Colen that a 58 year old Florentino Arencibia rode up to him on his bicycle at about 2:10 PM last Friday. He said Arencibia said he was going to kill him, then took out a large knife and swung it at him, hitting him in the chest. The victim suffered a small cut on his chest, but did not want any medical attention.

Deputies found Arencibia nearby and questioned him about the incident. He repeated his threats about killing the victim. When they asked him why, he said it was because 'he stole my mind.' Arencibia as arrested and charged with aggravated battery. He was booked into jail."

Get Up, Stand Up

I won... sort of. I went to court for my small claims case against the "man" (Mariner's Hospital actually). I dreaded going. I hate to have to assert myself. I don't even like to do it on the phone let alone in a courtroom. I did get to go to a mediator which was much friendlier than standing in front of the local Judge Judy. I was organized and presented my case. The hospital agreed to zero my balance and I agreed to absorb court costs. So their bill for $1189 of lab work became essentially $300. I could have gone to trial for that $300, but I figured I did get a service, and I should pay something. What I did learn is that you better check exactly what your insurance covers before you have any procedure done. And, I did learn that emergency room visits are covered 100% minus your co-pay - no matter what hospital you go to and no matter what insurance you have. But scheduled procedures are a different story. So if they tell you that you need an x-ray, you better ask "am I covered."

Oh, and by the way, the judge down here has a ponytail.

Happy Thanksgiving

I have found that the perfect solution for avoiding the holiday blues and the heart ache that comes with missing loved ones who are here only in memory. Just do not celebrate holidays.

Don't worry, I am not advocating abolishing Thanksgiving. I am just rationalizing the fact that I am going to have my little Thanksgiving dinner with Sam and Harry before Sam rushes off to work. It could have been worse because until mid-day today, I thought I would be working also. A mad dash to the store (perilous in itself) and we are all set to have our favorites.

Unfortunately, I will only have two pies (for three people?), and two vegetable dishes instead of the plethora of choices I used to have celebrating with my mother's side of our family. As kids, for years we traveled to Cadiz, Ohio. I can still see the frosty covered hills and barren trees as we approached the area of southeastern Ohio known as coal country. Most of the drive was two lane roads twisting and turning around the hills which was always a challenge for my youngest sister Mary Beth, who was usually car sick most of the way and couldn't appreciate arriving to a house that smelled like turkey yummy heaven to the rest of us. Cadiz is famous for being the birthplace of Clark Gable. The town is small. My Aunt Dolly and Uncle John lived in town, and I don't think there were suburbs in Cadiz. There house was old and furnished in antiques. The view from the upstairs windows was pastoral, of rolling hills and the neighbors ponies. There were nooks and crannies with treasures galore. Aunt Dolly had a box of trinkets - the most amazing collection of probably every crackerjack toy made. I am talking about "cool" stuff before the company got cheap! And she had a cupboard in her kitchen stocked with toys and goodies to play with. Their living room was stuffed with comfortable furniture and for some reason, perhaps economic, there were several patterns of wall paper on the walls. This was a house that was comfortable, cluttered and homey. No House and Garden decor. Every turn had some wonderful thing to look at, play with, or even wear.

Uncle John was the bank president. But, in his retirement, he and Aunt Dolly collected antiques and Uncle John learned to cane chairs. We had dinner in the basement before moving upscale to the garage (decorated, heated and spotless with collections of glass antiques in the windows and art on the walls). The basement had hooks on the walls and a collection of caned wooden chairs so that when company came, there was seating. No folding metal chairs for us!! The dishes were matching china and all of the nieces have a plate or two now. I think the pattern is Blue Onion but I may be wrong. The glasses were mismatch and sometimes, in my clouded recollection, jelly jars, and my cousins and I would laugh at Aunt Dolly's frugality. After a day of food, playing with cousins, fresh air after feeding treats to the horses and sometimes, even taking side trips like visiting the Harrison Ohio "old folks home" that was run by my Great Aunt Norma, or seeing the world's largest excavating shovel, the Silver Spade, it would be time to leave. My three siblings and my parents and I would get cozy in our warm car driving home, singing Christmas carols and exclaiming over the first holiday decorations we would see. The stars always seems so bright on that ride home and getting out of that car, being sleepy and so content, and stepping into the cold night air and the end of another perfect holiday, was always so hard.

Today, Aunt Dolly's daughter, Jane, still hosts Thanksgiving at her home in Richmond, Ohio. Her mother's china will be on the table as well as pitchers, vases, candlesticks and many other family heirlooms to make the memories continue. The last year I was there, there were also photos of the loved ones we miss so much who gave us the gift of love of family and of laughter and joy. I will miss the company, the catching up and the requisite hike in the woods after dinner. Happy Thanksgiving to the best family in the world!!

The Legal System

I lived for over 55 years without having to deal with the courts. Except for my divorce from Doug, which cost us about $750 and we used the same lawyer and wrote our own agreement (I know, if we got along that well why did we divorce - another blog story), and fighting a traffic ticket which I won, I stayed pretty clear. But either my luck has changed or I got tired of getting pushed around, because I have filed my second small claims case and am also involved in suing people over a business contract.

My first small claims case was a bust. I wimped out. I used to do free lance graphic design work and my clients didn't pay me for some work. I filed the claim, and believe me, it is a hassle. I showed up for mediation. They brought their 6 year old. So, how tough could I be in front of a child? Was I going to say negatives about his parents? The case was set for a hearing. I was so upset that my eight year relationship with them had gotten to that point that I wrote them a letter - couldn't we please just settle on an amount and end the strife? They wrote back that they felt upset also and yes we could. We agreedon an amount. I dropped the case. They asked for a little more time to pay as times were tough. Guess what; it has been over two years and I never got paid. Suck-er!

The second case involve Harry and I and a couple that we met in the Keys. The husband bought Harry's plane and Harry spent a great deal of time helping him learn to fly it. They became friends. They wanted to purchase a hotel. Harry found them one in foreclosure, got the financing for them based on his track record and in exchange, they were to give us 5% ownership and since the property was near our home, we would supervise it. We worked like crazy getting the property running and switching management. I did their website, all documents, trained staff, and provided the couple with all of our vendors and our expertise. When I finally got to the lawyers office to sign the contract, it was a joke. They were going to pay me a management fee and I could be terminated at any time. No 5% as offered. We essentially set them up in business and then got dumped. I should have known when a few days earlier the wife changed all passwords on web hosting and locked me out from any access to any files that I had created for the business. I was furious. We worked hours and hours for this couple and the wife, who I had to deal with, was the most impossibly difficult woman I have ever met. She had staff quitting left and right and I had to pick up the pieces and sooth all egos. She was a control freak who changed her mind daily. I was beside myself after every phone call. The last straw for me was when I saw on their web site recently that she had even ordered our identical furniture - something I had found through research and working with a designer. I really never knew from first hand experience that in business, there are some horrible, cut-throat people but I got my lesson first hand. Our law suit has taken over a year so far, and in January, I will be deposed. This time, I won't wimp out.

Lastly, is my small claims case against a local hospital. I think I am just tired of being ripped off. I was scheduled for my yearly physical and every year, I have to have blood drawn to have my thyroid levels checked. In the past, the blood was drawn in the doctor's office and my insurance paid for the lab work. This time I had to go to the hospital as the office no longer drew blood. I went to the hospital and they couldn't find the paperwork. I went a second time and did the normal check-in process with admissions. Gave them my info and my insurance card. Had the work done. Then, I got the bill. Almost $1200 for the routine lab work. I hit the roof. My insurance carrier was not accepted by the hospital. Wait a minute. It is a sister hospital to the one where Sam had his tonsils out last year and they accepted our insurance. Dummy me for assuming that hospitals under the same umbrella ownership would bill the same. I wrote a letter to the hospital. No answer. I wrote a second letter. No answer. I called the billing dept. They told me that even employees do not get their blood drawn there - they have to go to a local lab. But that clerk could not direct me to a "higher up" to discuss the bill. Then I got the notice from a collection agency. So, I decided that if I cannot get their attention any other way, I will go to court. I filed the claim. It is a huge hassle. I had to find a process server to deliver the papers to their corporate office. I have a date scheduled. I am going to fight this and even if I lose and end up paying $500 more in court costs, at least I get to have my say because how hard was it for a clerk to tell me "we do not accept your insurance" and give me the option to find a facility that does. Informed consent? Bullshit.

Peek-a-Boo

Our desk clerk, Carol, had an interesting encounter today. A husband and wife pulled up and the husband came into the motel office to book a room for three nights. During the process, he commented on the fact that he could, of course, swim sans suit? Carol explained that no, our motel is family oriented and she in fact did not know of any place, other than a nude beach in Key West, that allowed nude swimming. She explained that there might be hotels there that allowed nude swimming in their pools, but we didn't know which ones, and since it is Fantasy Fest, the rates would be exorbitant. The potential guest was indignant! He drawled in his good ole boy southern accent (he wasn't even European!) - "you mean my wife can't even go topless?" Carol politely explained no, sorry. The man decided to leave and seek a more liberal establishment. But, not before Carol saw his true nature - peeking out from the hem of the shortest shorts imaginable.