The Yard

A couple of orchids are blooming on the trees right now. I still get such a kick out of the fact that they are epiphytes and hang on with roots only, getting what they need from the air and rain and bird poop. Isn't nature grand? They are survivors!

Thanksgiving Song

My father sang this song to us every Thanksgiving, and I in turn sang it (albeit poorly since I am tone deaf) to my children. You will be happy that you cannot hear me sing it but I will write the lyrics, nonetheless. Let the tradition continue...

If Turkeys were tall

As telegraph poles

And ten times wider and fatter

Who'd do the carving

To keep us from starving

And what would we use for a platter?

Happy Thanksgiving 2011!

Douglas Howard Caplan

Today would have been Douglas's 44th birthday. Doug was my husband's oldest child, and my stepson. He took his own life in February of 2007.

Suicide is one of the taboo topics, like miscarriage, that leave the grieving people who experienced the loss feeling isolated and incomplete. Nothing stops conversations as quickly as the mention of having lost a child, and especially, how. You can almost hear the thoughts running through the other person's mind and the curiosity they have about how and why.

Douglas was handsome and charming and yet also darkly disturbed and mentally ill. As he aged, his functioning declined. He was involved with drugs at a young age and seemed to have a life that flirted on the edge of a drug world that most of us know nothing about. He was diagnosed as bi-polar. He did not like taking medication though, and did not stay on any regimen consistently. He had Hepatitis C and we do not know how he got it. We always suspected IV drug use as the cause. He drifted in and out of AA although he did not drink very much. I think the AA support helped him when he felt the drug use (mostly marijuana in later years) was getting out of hand. I always felt that the marijuana calmed his manic episodes but actually he got worse the more he smoked.

There were years of normalcy. A job as a construction carpenter. The development of a business making surf board cases. A marriage to a wonderful woman and two children born. Then, suddenly, he wanted a divorce. The ex-wife moved back to Brazil with his blessing and took his children with her. And, from that time on, his life seemed to deteriorate. He missed his children. He left the construction work. He could not support himself and his children and needed financial help from his father and grandfather and the more help he received, the more difficult he became. His last year of life, he was isolated from his sister and his father and only communicated with his mother. He alternated his relationships. When he was speaking to his father, he trashed his mother, and visa versa. Everyone stepped on eggshells in order to help him. And then, a call came. That he was found dead on the morning Harry's brother was going to take him to see a Psychiatrist. He had been agitated, hallucinating, had thrown away his cell phone and abandoned his car. His home was bare. Minimalistic living. Much of the furniture we had given him over the years was gone. Nothing was in the refrigerator but a bag of carrots. I found the notes on his desk which were his beliefs that he had solved the DaVinci code. He was clearly sick and I was angry. Why had Harry's father and brother not called us to inform us of how bad his functioning was. That is, of course, the 20/20 hindsight that we all have when we feel we should have done something else. In reality, I know that many people tried to help him. Many were manipulated by him. And many people were left with very confusing feelings about him.

His life was so complex that his sister, who did the funeral eulogy, created two versions. The one for the funeral and the one for her and her parents. The truths that had to be kept private, so that mourners could leave with positive thoughts and memories of a man the way they wanted to see him. But, no one will ever really know Douglas. He took a lot of the truths with him the night he left us.

Delray Beach

Harry and I visited Matt, Megan, Jack and Ruby in Delray Beach this past Friday. The kids were there with Megan's family to attend her brother Ryan's wedding to Julie Wise. We scooted up for a pre-festivity visit. It was, of course, great to see M&M and kids but also, to see Megan's siblings, parents and grandma since we like them all so much.

Delray was so great. I love the name. Makes me think of the 50's - perhaps because of the alliterations - like, "let's go see Dick Dale and the Deltones down in Delray." And, it looked like Florida of the 50's. No condo high rises lining the lovely beach. They stayed in Wright's on the Beach (love the name) and it was perfect. My kinda place - just like Harry and my favorite funky little motel in Sanibel - the Shalimar. Right on the beach, pool, rooms with little kitchen areas, sand tracked in everywhere. That is vacation. Screw Holiday Inn Express. You can stay there and be anywhere in the world and you would wake up and not have a clue where you are since they all look the same.

Delray Beach had a lot more going for it though. Lots of little restaurants with outdoor seating, shops and a small downtown area that was walking friendly. I was impressed and will head back. The American Orchid Society headquarters in nearby, which will be a destination. Add some good golf and that is a weekend!

Fantasy Fest Follies

Key West hosts an event yearly called Fantasy Fest. This bacchanal was created to increase tourism to the Keys during our slow season and it has grown to a huge international draw with many events, parades, parties, nude body painting and incredibly creative costumes. I have not gone. I hear so many stories from motel guests, that I think my little waspy personality would go into shock when I saw some of the things described to me. Maybe next year I will go to the parades only and avoid the later night revelries. I don't know how interested I am in seeing 80+ year olds in wheelchairs nude and body painted...

Working the motel is always fun. I love to see the costumes that guests wear and I love the guest's stories (my favorite is the repeat guest who brings two cameras - one set of photos to show his wife and family and one to show his friends). Getting people out on Sunday morning is always difficult. Everyone has fun. And, one guest from Scandinavia said "I thought Americans were prudish. I saw things there I have never seen." So, next year, plan to come down and join me and we will go over to the dark side.

Jungle Humor

I was sent this photo from a new friend, Rita, whom I met on the trip. It was taken during our hike in the Amazon rain forest but since I was at the top of the hill, I could not retreat back down to take a look at what all the commotion was about. All along the hike, our guide was pointing out this herbal remedy and that healing plant and all the myriad of natural remedies derived from nature along the way. All I could hear behind me regarding this particular jungle growth were twittering and comments about men coming to steal it, natural Viagra, etc. I had no idea what they were talking about until Rita showed us the photo during dinner a couple nights later and of course, after a glass of wine or two, the jokes got really silly. Like - weren't we viewing the photo upside down, etc. The best was when her husband, Helmut, who is as laid back and quiet as they get, commented, when we were discussing how the "root" was used to obtain the medicinal properties popped out with - "you have to squeeze it." I have some great ideas about using this in a birthday card for a friend who is soon to achieve a milestone birthday.

Ecuador Adventure

Harry and I standing on the north and south continents Hot springs in Papallate Cotopaxi volcano Taungurahua at sunset - the caldera was emitting steam the next morning Pato (guide) and myself Market place Pelileo (some indigenous people believe if you photograph them it steals their soul so had to do when she was not looking at us)

Typical scenery (sigh...)

Start of the Amazon rain forest Rain forest floor Plaintains being washed for transport Ready to hike the rain forestCasa Suiza in Amazon
Visited musicians home
Guinea pigs roasting for dinner

We just returned from a trip to Ecuador that far exceeded my expectations. We went on a tour, and I have hesitated in the past to do a group type trip on a tour bus. It was wonderful! We stayed in interesting locations and traveled with a group of fun and enthusiastic people. Our guide, Patricio Pugo, was knowledgeable about Ecuador, the history of South America and imparted his beautiful attitude and love of Pachamama (Mother Earth or nature in the Ecuadorian indigenous language) to us. He had such strong beliefs that the world is one people, that there should be no divisions among them, and that we can make our own happiness. He could bring tears to my eyes when he spoke.

The trip started in Quito, the capital of Ecuador, and made a loop through the country which is the size of Colorado. The first adjustment upon arrival was getting used to the high altitudes in the Andes Mts. Some in the group got nauseated but most just had a minor headache and the obvious shortness of breath upon exertions. But after time, we adjusted. After a tour of some highlights in Quito, including the most breathtaking Jesuit church decorated with some of the 900 kilos of gold that resides in Ecuadorian churches, our first day took us to the "0" latitude between North and South America, to an indigenous craft market and an overnight on a lake near Otavalo.

Everyday we had views of volcanoes lining the "Avenue of Volcanoes" in Ecuador and the weather was unusually clear for viewing. The landscape was breathtaking - from high Mountain tops to low valleys lush with farming, waterfalls, rivers and everywhere - the most amazing vistas. Some roads were terrifying. No guard rails, and twists and turns with sheer drops. In fact, I saw a painting in one church with a scene of the Virgin Mary looking down to bless the cars falling off the side of a mountain road. Really reassuring when the afternoon after I viewed that, we climbed a road that turned into a dirt road with drop-offs that had my hands sweating like mad! But, the lodge at the end of the road overlooking the active volcano Tunguraua was so worth the scare.

We traveled through cloud forests, and down to the Amazon rain forest. The Amazon had to be my favorite experience. We traveled by canoe down the Napo river to our lodge. Our room had a balcony overlooking the rain forest. It was hot and very humid and a bit like camping with screens on the windows to hear the sounds of the jungle. We had a frog in our bathroom upon arrival, and many tiny insects that squeezed through our screens climbing up and down the walls to get used to. I chose to not look closely. We visited indigenous people, saw how they lived, how they made chicha (an alcoholic drink made with manioc, sweet potato and a bit of spit - they assured us there was no spit in the bowl we passed to drink other than our own), had cacao bean spitting contests, and tried to hit a wooden monkey with blow darts. Maybe a bit staged for the tourists, but still, fun. I got to hike the rain forest in a preserve. Magical. So humid that you are drenched with sweat and there is no relief. Even with my intense fear of heights, I traversed small gorges on suspension bridges and even sat in a basket chair to zipline across a deeper valley. Everywhere we were surrounded with a constant drone of insects. The guide pointed out a tarantula, and healing plants. Large exotic colored butterflies drifted about but never settled for us to photograph them. The lush foliage and magical opportunistic plants climbing everywhere were heaven to me. After hiking, we canoed to a river bank where we were supposed to create our own balsa wood rafts, but because one of our group experienced some heat exhaustion, we were delayed and they were already put together. Logs lashed together with one stick in front and one in back and some of us (me included) rafted back to camp. What a total hoot!!

We also stayed in a lodge next to natural hot springs where we soaked while the rain pelted down on us. In the morning, the volcano Antisana was clearly visible above us. And, our last day we spent visiting the largest active volcano in the world, Cotopaxi, who's altitude is 19,347 feet. We drank Cacao leave tea to help us with the altitude adjustment. Above the treeline, it was eerily like a tundra you would imagine on a dead planet in outer space. And, looming above, the ice covered volcano that reminded me of why people have worshipped and feared the obvious presence in their world that controls their destiny.

I could go on and on with details of the people who were descendants of the Incas and then their Spanish conquerors, and their habits and costumes that we observed. Or of the dramatically prehistoric looking landscapes of their world. Or the rich and fertile lands that produces the most amazing variety of fruits and vegetables. But my very most favorite minute, was when we joined hands in a circle before entering the rain forest hike, and were told to close our eyes and listen to the sounds of Pachamamma, Mother Earth, and to thank her for our blessings. Amen to that.