Gender Issues

I have told this story to several of my friends and family, so if you have heard it, then just slide your little arrow cursor up to the upper right hand corner and hit the white X in the red box. Check back in a week or so for another blog if interested.

For the rest of you, I had an amusing and yet perplexing interaction with my darling grandson, Jack, that stirred up some thoughts. I visited him this past weekend and before he and his sister Ruby, and their parents arrived at the hotel I had reserved, I ran out with my girlfriend, Fern, to a local store to stock up on goodies. I saw a Cinderella Barbie doll, and since the kids had just been to Disneyworld, I bought it for Ruby. I bought an electronic game for Jack.

Jack seemed quite taken with the doll and kept wanting to take it from Ruby to play with, causing the normal sibling squall. I asked Jack if he wanted one for himself and he said yes, so we went on a shopping excursion of our own. But, in the car, Jack asked me to be sure to tell anyone who asked that I was buying it for Ruby and for me to carry it to the check-out. I reassured him that it was OK to have a doll but that I would do what he wanted. Jack chose Snow White. Of course, the clerk at the check-out immediately looked at Jack and commented about his new doll. Jack looked so uncomfortable - I was amazed.

Jack told me that he had danced with Cinderella at a Disney dinner in Orlando and his expression when I asked what he thought of her was priceless. He looked like a Disney character who sees a cute cartoon female - with pupils dilating and little hearts beating in the air around his head . I think he was "twitterpated."

Over the next day or so, Jack and I played with the dolls. At first we made up stories and shared rides in our coaches and talked about our husbands (who were both Prince Charming?) but later the play became Jack sticking a pen in Snow White's belt and flying her around the room. Jack became more comfortable and took Snow White to restaurants without embarrassment. I asked Matt, his dad, if Jack was still playing with her when they got back to Toledo but I guess the novelty had worn off.

The interesting thing about this little story is that Jack has just turned 5. And yet, somehow he already felt like he should not have a doll. And, when I told a few different males about this issue, they all seemed to smirk and although they didn't say it (except for Sam), I know they were thinking either he is a sissy, or gay, or somehow strange! The only totally cool male about it was his dad, thank goodness!

The incident stirred up a memory of an article that I read in Ms. Magazine in the early 1980's. Matt was a preschooler and I remember that the writer was discussing the issue of parenting a boy in a gender neutral way. Her one comment that always stuck with me was that she would probably be totally comfortable taking her daughter anywhere in public dressed in a football uniform, but would she take her boy in public dressed in a tutu??

Obviously, it is much easier for girls than boys to cross over the boundaries that society has placed on us. I can wear pants anywhere. But, Harry in a dress?