Yom Kippur 2011

This coming Saturday is Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement in the Jewish faith. I have been reminded recently of how poorly people can treat one another because I joined a new womens' golf league. I have described my first three rounds of golf with this group as flashing back in time and entering an adult women version of the movie "Mean Girls." The first week, my cart partner talked negatively about a woman in the other cart in our foursome throughout the whole 18 holes. The second week, the woman who was "talked about" the previous week was again in my foursome, and during the round she hit my ball twice on one hole, which is a two stroke penalty each time. When reporting her score for the hole, she omitted the extra four strokes and when questioned by the scorer, who was my cart partner, the scorer was told to put "whatever the f**k score she wanted" down. I sat there dumbfounded and shocked! The women who made the comment approached me in the parking lot to confide to me that me the scorer, who was my cart partner and I thought a very pleasant woman, was so difficult and hard to play with and that no one liked her. Hey, I don't know any of these people and am just trying to be pleasant and play nice! The third week, I played in a threesome with two women who were just generally grumpy. I felt like I was walking around on egg shells and it was a lot of work to be so polite as well as be in top golf etiquette form!

These incidents have made me think about women, cliques and being mean. I cannot speak for men, but I do know that women can be awful. I can recount many, many incidents of feeling outside of the group, or intimidated, by women. When I worked at the Welfare Dept. in Cincinnati, I was promoted to supervisor rather quickly after joining the "elite" Children's Services Intake Department. After receiving the promotion, I got the icy shoulder by several of the women who had been in the Dept. longer than me, and who had applied for the job. So icy, that one woman would actually not talk to me unless there was a work related issue. I was terrified of her controlling demeaner and dreaded any contact I had with her!

When my kids were in the Orange school district, there was a group of very "in" mothers who ran the PTA and were always the class mothers - the coveted job of assisting the teacher in planning parties. These women were so intimidating to me and I could never quite figure out why. I always skirted those women and hung out on the periphery of the group and did my little volunteer activities with the other dorky moms like me. Those dorky moms were my sons' friend's moms, and some of the truly coolest women, ever! And what about the sports events? Holy cow - there were always parents of athletic kids making comments about the children who were not at their children's level of athletic achievement. No baseball or soccer game was ever a pleasant, fun event. I actually dreaded when my kid was up at bat. No matter how big the hit, it wasn't recognized by the dreaded soccer mom types. One of the biggest reliefs in having children who are adults, is not having to deal with other parents in that incredibly competitive world of academia where everyone else seems to want to project that they have the most perfect child ever born.

In the spirit of Yom Kippur, I must also ask for atonement for mistreating my fellow humans. Although, specifically, the events needing atonement should have occured in the past year, I want to go back a bit. I have deep regret that I was mean in the 7th grade to another girl named Carol. Why my little social group decided to exclude her is beyond my ability to recollect, but I do know that we called her a "Communist" in a note we passed around to each other and she saw it. At that time int he Cold War, that must have been a truly nasty thing to say, because she was so upset that her mother called the principal and we were made to sit down with him to discuss our bad behaviour. I am not sure I did feel so bad at the time, but I do now. Sorry, Carol! Please accept my apology. I was a "mean girl."

Of course, I have many, many other regrets for past behaviors toward my fellow humans. I think that I will not confess them in my blog. Nor, will I go to confession. Or therapy. I will keep them between myself and my maker. And, if any of you readers feel I have mistreated you - please leave a comment and I will address each and every one. In the mean time, I am preparing for round four in the new golf league and I am truly hoping my partner is the 84 year old Bromeliad grower I met the first week, who had nothing bad to say about anyone, was pleasant and smiles and says hello everytime I see her. Wish me luck.